Stephanie Lyn

Forgetful

2011-09-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

When I decide that I should start blogging again, I start to come up with great blog ideas. (I have them even when I'm not blogging too....)
Random thoughts or suggestions and things that should or shouldn't be made public. And today I had a whole post thought up. Short post, but still a post. But it was raining, so I couldn't put it in my phone. And by the time I got somewhere I had actually forgotten that I even had one. As I'm sitting here in front of the computer, I remember. But I don't remember what it was about... At least not in the same words that I had figured out in my head.
Gosh.... I should carry around a recording device. Except none of the crazy thoughts that run through my head are really worthy of such.

wow.... it's been a year

2011-08-24T07:16:00.001-07:00

A year. A long, strange year.
Not sure where to start, or if I should even go back and tell the stories.
Perhaps I'll relate a few. Kids growing up are hilarious and say funny things.
As for now.... I think I will try to post more often and perhaps even have pictures.

(My friend mentioned that I hadn't posted. So perhaps I can make a change and post more.)

The Church sign says:

2010-10-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

God doesn't care about your good works.

Well..... then what the heck does he care about??
And if he doesn't care about good works, then why are we supposed to be serving everyone?

What's for Dinner??

2010-10-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

Grandma was giving the nephews dinner this evening. They said, "This doesn't taste like chicken," while putting chicken nuggets in their mouths.
Grandpa - without any hesitation - says, "It's gopher. She just didn't want you to say 'EWWW!!' and not eat your dinner."
The boys' response: "Not too bad!!"

Later that evening.....

Mom: "Boys, what did you have for dinner?"
Boys: "Gopher. It was pretty good. It tasted sort of like chicken."

*Laughter is still going on . . . .*

Over Population

2010-09-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a Property Law class this semester and during one of the classes we were talking about people wanting property anywhere and everywhere.

The crazy thing people forget about when buying property is what can happen to the property. You don't want to buy a house near a river that is known to or does frequently flood. You don't want to build a house with a basement in a wetlands area. You don't want to on the edge of a cliff when there's recorded earthquakes in the area.

But it seems that some people are just so eager to own property and have a house that they don't think about future problems. They need to remember to think further down the road. Whether they plan on moving or not, they might want to evaluate the property enough to know if it's worth owning, living on, or doing anything with.

With my job, I talk to a lot of people and we discuss cutting down and clearing out trees. Most people agree that it's a bad idea. If you are going to build neighborhoods or such, leave the trees. Don't clear it all out just to make it easier. Keep everything as normal and natural as possible.

At one point during my drive home through the curvy mountain roads, I follow a bend and it opens up to see the side of a mountain .... that happens to be completely covered with cabins. Ugh! I will say that they have some trees and bushes, so it's not completely bare. But I think having it completely covered with cabins is not pretty either.

Sometimes I think this world, or certain areas, are becoming over populated. People living on top of people and it never seems to end.

That time of year again

2010-09-15T05:58:00.001-07:00

I went to the Tennessee Valley Fair last nite with my mother, sister, and my sister's 3 boys.

My suggestion: Don't go to the fair when your stomach is upset. Then nothing will really sound very tasty and you won't feel any better as the nite progresses.

Yes, I had the misfortune of having an upset stomach before we even got there. I figured it would go away, but it didn't really. And when we got home I was up all nite not feeling very well. My digestive system hates me, even when I don't eat greasy fair foods.

And surprisingly, I didn't really eat that much food. I had some delicious Bacon, Cheddar, Ranch fries; a Chicken-on-a-Stick, and a Deep-fried Snickers bar. That was pretty much it. And altho I go to the fair for the food, I did not really get a whole lot. I've decided that there's not a whole lot of selection in foods - there's a lot of places, but not a lot of variety. I don't particularly like rides at the fair so I may reconsider going next year. (I probably will go again anyway - it's fun to people watch.)

I also saw at least 2 couples getting photos taken. I'm not sure if they were both for engagement photos, but I know the one couple was lucky and got my congratulations. I thought it was an adorable idea to take pictures at the fair, even if they weren't getting married. I totally want to do that!! I need someone willing to participate in such thing though.... Any takers??

We got to milk a cow, attempt to rope a plastic steer, and had an all around interesting evening. My nephews were also lucky enough to take home a bunny. Rides, games, food, and a bunny. Man - they had it made!!

(I would post pictures, but none were taken with my camera. Perhaps I can add some later.)

"It's always Wonderful"

2010-09-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

I have my days that I am unhappy and negative. I have my days where I just want to be plain grumpy.

But there's a guy I work with (who happens to be rather cute) who is always happy. I will ask him how he is, and he 'is wonderful, as always'. I have asked him, more than once, if he's always wonderful and he of course says yes. He gets rid of the negative and is always happy.

I envy that. I am not always unhappy or negative, but those times I am, it is hard to just get rid of it all. So I think it's great that he can have that and I think I'm going to strive to always be happy. I want to always be able to answer with "I'm Wonderful!!"

So, next time you ask me I hope I will be able to answer in the most positive way.

Driving along

2010-09-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

This morning, on my way to work, I was already running a bit late. And then it happens to be raining. We all know how people drive in the rain - really slow. Normally I would just drive right on past them, but there were quite a few people and I don't change lanes as often (some call it 'weaving through traffic') when it's wet and rainy as I would when it's dry. Thus, I was stuck driving slow and was late for work. Good thing there was no rush this morning.

Another driving update: I was in a hurry leaving work a couple days ago (was eager to get home to see a good friend that was coming to town) and I didn't notice how fast I was going .... or the cop car that was sitting there clocking me. Thus I got pulled over. But somehow I am eligible to call, pay court costs, and not have it put on my record. I guess the tickets I got as an NC resident haven't transferred to my TN record - YAY! - and I won't have to worry about this one. At least, that's what the officer said, that I would be able to have it go away if I pay court costs. Now, hopefully he was right. Then no one can give me crap for a ticket, because as far as anyone with clout cares, I didn't get one recently. hahahaha....

I'm hoping that I will have driving stories soon (not that I like driving, but that I would like to go a few places). With work 4 days a week and school 2, I don't get much time off to go places. But we shall see what this fall/winter time brings. Hopefully some good memories.

I am no longer....I will soon be . . .

2010-09-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

I am no longer living at the beach . . .

I am no longer unemployed . . .

I am no longer responsibility-less . . .

I am no longer sleeping well . . .

I am no longer near as tan as I was before . . .

I am no longer near as social as I once was . . .

I am no longer leaving my house for things other than school or work (not by choice, but because there's nothing to do) . . .

I am no longer around people (besides family) that I care a lot about . . .

I am no longer feeling as happy as I once was . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will soon be able to pay the credit cards off completely . . .

I will soon be finished with my Associate's Degree (May, but closer than before) . . .

I will soon be making what I want known a bit more . . .

I will soon be a bit more assertive in making things happen . . .

I will soon be planning a vacation out of the country . . .

I will soon be visiting those that I miss and care a lot about (although not sure when that will be) . . .

I will soon be finding a way to be happier and healthier . . .

I will soon be tan again (even if it isn't real) . . .

I will soon be falling in love with the Autumn season all over again . . .

How many days?

2010-08-18T14:02:00.000-07:00

As of today, there are 135 days left in the year.
That doesn't seem like a lot, but I've had about 90 here at the beach and haven't done a whole lot with them.
So - what will I do with the remaining 135 days in the year?
Spend a few more days on the beach.
Travel back to Tennessee.
Get resituated in life there.
Start a new job zipping through the mountains.
Start another semester at a school I don't particularly like.
Hopefully have many, many wonderful heartfelt and meaningful conversations with ones I care about.
Spend some great, although fewer than wanted, days with amazing people.
Turn 25 and probably do nothing spectacular.
Try to fit in as many things as possible into my life.

What are YOU going to do with the remaining 135 days of this wonderful year of 2010?

Where are you from?

2010-07-31T11:17:00.000-07:00

Shouldn't everyone actually answer with, "Heaven."
I honestly am not 'from' anywhere. I've lived in a few different states at different points in my life. But I wouldn't claim any of them as 'home' or where I'm from.
When people ask where I'm from, I want to ask in return, "At which point of my life are you asking about? Or are you asking 'where do I store the majority of my belongings'? I'm not sure what you are really trying to find out."
I am not like any of the places in which I have lived. I'm a mixture of them all. When people say they know I'm not from 'round here cuz you have an accent' then it makes me want to laugh. I don't have an accent, I just don't talk like the locals. I'm a nice, mixed breed of places, people, and accents.
And of course, once you tell them someplace, they start asking the typical follow-up questions. "What brings you here? How come you're here? Which place do you like better? Blah Blah Blah" And I really have no good answers for those. I'm here because this is where I chose to be at this time. I haven't really lived there that long so I'm not sure I can say I like one over the other. Eh...
I think I'll just start answering with "Heaven."
What better place is there to be from, anyway??

Passion

2010-07-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

I saw a sign for a church recently that said "Is what you're living for worth dying for?" (It later was changed to say "Is what you're living for worth Christ dying for?" but I liked the first version.) And weirdly enough, the sign got me to thinking.
What am I living for?
It seems that everytime I listen to a few certain songs on a soundtrack, I tend to get pumped for life. They are so passionate about their life and their choices. But it gets me wondering what I'm doing with my life. What am I passionate about? What am I doing to make things happen? What am I living my life for?
I really don't know how to answer any of those questions. At all.
Sad, I suppose, that I have no passions about anything. Or at least not anything I can think of.
There's something about those songs and the passion in which they are sung that makes me want to feel that strongly about something. I just don't.
I want to have a burning passion for something. I want to find something to live for.

Driving is not a distraction

2010-07-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

I drive.
I drive a lot.
I'm sick of driving alone.
When I drive, I think. I think about a lot of things. I think about nothing. I think about everything.
But I want to go on another drive. To New York City.
It's only just over 10 hours from where I currently am living. But I do NOT want to do that drive alone. Being alone in the car at any point in the next month or so might be a bad idea. Too much on my mind.
So I need a good distraction. I need a traveling partner. Not an international, adventurous one. Just one for the domestic travels and driving to places that are closer that I want to explore. If that traveling partner ends up being one for international travel as well, then all the better. But I won't hold my breath.
Regardless, I need to have distractions while I drive. I don't want to do the lone driving anymore. (Although I'm sure I probably will....for many more years....)

Diets are necessary

2010-06-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

There was this day when I was going to work. I stopped by the gas station to pick up my daily intake of caffeine that I would need to make it through the day.
As I pulled in, I saw a large man - a very large man - walking out.
He had in his hands the exact items, although in larger quantities, that I was going to go into the store and get myself.
I guess that means it's time to go on a diet and stop partaking the items that largely obese people are eating/drinking. I suppose it would then lead to me being largely obese and I really don't want that.

Gotta start thinking about the future

2010-06-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

I am currently enjoying not thinking about anything further than the next weekend's plans. But I should probably start truly thinking about what I'm going to start doing with my life.
I finish with my current degree in May, and then where do I want to go?? Do I stay in Knoxville (God forbid) or do I move to a beach? Or should I skip the beach since I'm doing it this summer and I should live the next dream of life?
And if so, where is the next adventure? And before any of that, what am I doing through the last 2 semesters of school? I need a job and some plans or I might just go crazy.
And what about life in general?
I'd like to continue my education. But I don't think I want to go into law any further. So then what do I do? Maybe I should suck it up, get the bachelor's in law and then perhaps try something else. Or maybe not.
But I definitely need to start thinking about things and coming up with ideas.
I think I need to travel a little bit this next fall and spring so I can figure out where it is that I would like to live next. Perhaps it will only be for a couple years, but I need to at least figure out where the adventure will be once is school is over.
Any suggestions?

A life of nothing

2010-06-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a month since my last post. This is not because I haven't thought of things to post about. Nor is it because I have had no funny stories to tell. It's mainly because I have limited access to the internet. And since I don't like to sit for hours on end at a coffee shop or other such place, I have not spent much time on blogging. I have spent more time on emails, posting pictures, etc.
I am at the beach. I am in the sunshine most of the time. I am experiencing new things. I am having good and bad days. I am slowly feeling better about life.
And then there are those days when I just want to freak out. I'm not doing anything. I'm not productive and I have no goals currently. This summer is literally a summer of nothingness. Wow.... that's definitely not something I am used to.
So, now what do I do??
I need to start finding a job starting this fall. I need to start figuring out life plans. I need to actually be productive and do something.
Yet it's so nice to not have to have every day stress of a to-do list. I have nothing to worry about. No deadlines, nothing.
I'm not sure how people can do this sort of thing on a long-term basis. I'm okay with it for the summer, cuz I've really got nothing else I could be doing that would be that fun. So I'll stick with it for now. And good gosh, it's nice to just relax and have a good time.

Yes, I'm female. Yes, you're male.

2010-05-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

But why does that mean that we can't be friends?
I am so sick of girlfriends being stupid and telling guys that they can't be friends with me because I'm a girl. I know how to be friends without it interfering with your relationship.
He and I have always been platonic - never even any snuggling - and then you tell him he can't be friends with me. What is THAT about??
This isn't the first time.
And what is up with the guy not having the balls enough to tell her he will stay friends because I've been around longer than her? Apparently the guys I'm friends with who give into their girls a bit too much need to stand up for themselves.
Or maybe the friendship wasn't quite as awesome as I thought it was. Either way - Girls quit telling your guys to stop being friends with females. If you are that insecure and afraid something will happen, maybe he isn't the guy for you. I mean. . . Really!?!?!
Gah!

Don't make me vomit....

2010-05-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people just really make me sick. In many ways, but at this moment I am going to rant about displays of relationships.
Maybe I'm jaded and annoyed because I am not, nor have I really, nor is it looking promising that I will ever have a relationship. But I don't think I would be anything like these situations.
We don't care what amazing thing you're doing with your boy/girl friend this weekend.
We don't care whether he/she had a great time with the family - they're already friends so of course they'll enjoy each other.
We don't want to see every other picture of the two of you kissing or looking as though you are now joined at the hip.
We don't care to see every time you comment on how much you love them. Hello - love them without displaying it all over his/her wall every day....sometimes more than once.
We're so glad you care about each other, truly we are. Being happily 'in love' is fantastic - but please don't do it so much that you're making us all sick..... sheesh!!
(I don't mind all that often when people show how they feel about their significant other. It's just been certain people that cannot seem to comment about anything BUT their significant other. There's more to life than just that person. And I don't particularly care about the details of every move....Thanks anyway.)

Life Uncomplicated

2010-05-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

Things are not so complicated.
I've had a lot of situations, people and things that tend to make things much more complicated than they need to be.
Just do things and enjoy things. I do not need complicated, confusing or anything of that sort. I make things complicated without anyone else's help. So really, let's not make it worse.
And some situations really don't need any complicated thoughts - it really isn't difficult.
Thus I am at the beach. Life here is uncomplicated, right? There's no reason to change that. No reason to make it complicated. Just enjoy it, love it and take it for what it is.
And on certain things I may need to be reminded of that, but mostly I am pretty certain that I will not be making things complicated. I like simple, happy, easy living....

Sigh of Relief

2010-05-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy, busy and tiring. Which can be good, if it was something I wanted to be doing.
School is done for the semester.
The fundraiser for camp is finished - or at least everything I'll be doing.
And the summer has begun.
Yesterday I turned in everything and told the leaders that I was done and I'm leaving for the summer. I have been pretty stressed and freaked out on more than one occasion in regards to this ridiculous thing I was asked to help with. I was definitely not the right fit for it and I'm not sure why they thought I would be. Just because I like camping doesn't mean I should be asked to deal with 12-17 year old girls and be an example to them and whatever else. HELLO!!
After finished the fundraising garagesale (after 4 days of little sleep and constant running around), I breathed a sigh of relief. And after telling them I was leaving, that's an even bigger sigh of relief.
I have absolutely no responsibilities, no worries, and nothing to stress about (except how to fit everything into my car). I am going to have a summer of good times, adventures, and have it be all about me. I'm going to be selfish, simple, care-free and I just don't care about other people. (Which is not completely true, but I'm just going to be .....free.)
So - yes, I am moving to the beach for the summer. I am very much looking forward to it. I'm not sure who knows and who doesn't know, but I don't care anymore. I am very much looking forward to living somewhere I've always wanted to live. It's not as on the beach as I would've liked, but closer than now, so it works!
'Sigh'

List of Qualities

2010-05-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

In a list of reasons they like you - because you're beautiful is always on top.... WHY?!?!?
I'm flattered, but I'm still complaining. Not sure what starts the conversation, but they always start with the same kind of quality - superficial.
You're beautiful.
You have such kissable lips.
You look good on my side.
Your eyes are gorgeous.
You have beautiful teeth.
And yes, those are all great and they make me feel wonderful. But honestly - if you want me to want to be with you, find another reason why you are interested in me. Maybe something like....
You make me smile.
I always want to be by your side.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I love talking with you about anything and everything.
Things that will last through time are the things that matter. What happens if I get into an accident and my face is scarred? Or my teeth fall out? Or I can't kiss for some reason? Then what would happen to the relationship?
So, here's a clue to all those males out there who are interested in pursuing me or wooing me (not that there are many): tell me things that matter, that have substance, and that will last. Things that aren't just about physical appearance and usually turned sexual.
Eh - just wish there was more to a relationship or feelings beyond the physical.... I'm still holding out for that guy who wants me for more than just the way I look.

Phone Courtesy

2010-05-03T07:54:00.001-07:00

There was always a rule in my house while growing up that you were not allowed to call anyone after 9:59 pm. It was mostly because you'd be calling the house (this was before everyone had cell phones) and it might wake someone up. And you wouldn't want to call before 9 am in case someone was sleeping in.

Apparently we were some of the few people that had that rule.

It's one thing when you are really good friends with someone - call anytime of day or nite. And the better friends you are, the more you can get away with that. I am actually okay with any of my friends calling/texting anytime of day or nite, but if we aren't friends like that....it's iffy....
Yes - most people know that I work and go to school so I'm usually up and going pretty early. But you don't actually know for sure when that is. And when I ignored your phone call the day before because you knew I didn't want to talk to you, what makes you think I will answer it before 9 am the next morning?? My alarm hadn't even gone off yet....thanks a whole lot for waking me up.

It's one thing to be awoken sometime in the nite or early in the morning with a fun text from a friend or significant other, but it's a completely different story when it's someone you don't have that kind of friendship with.... Oh well. Maybe next time I'll call and wake them up late at nite.

Ps - most of the time it's perfectly acceptable to call/text me anytime. It truly is. I was just frustrated with and didn't want to converse with this person. Then they call before my alarm....

What took so long?

2010-05-01T15:40:00.000-07:00

I understand that with the weather changes, people's moods change.
But WHY can't we all have fun and do things in the winter too?? I would be totally okay with driving in the snow, being out in the cold.
I really don't like that the only way to add color to the bleak and dreary ugliness of winter is slitting my wrists of complete and total boredom/depression/etc.
Now that it's spring, everyone seems to be out more, doing more things, and having fun. What was wrong with a couple months ago? Couldn't we have done it then too??
Sheesh!
I guess I can't complain, it's Spring and people are going out. So I'll just have to try and keep them from being hermits next winter.

"1....2.... Don't fall asleep or he'll get you...."

2010-04-30T09:52:00.001-07:00

That's not really how the quote goes. It's more of "1....2.... Freddy's coming for you." But I think my change of it is true too!!

I was an idiot, or just really nice, I don't know which. My friend invited me to go to a midnite special screening/preview of the new 'Nightmare on Elm Street.' And for those of you who don't know, I don't particularly like scary movies. Intense is great! Horror, evil or something similar is not really something I want to watch. I was stupid enough to go watch 'Paranormal Activity' (which I had previously refused to watch) with this same friend back in the fall. I definitely think it's time for us to go see happy, silly, and perhaps even romantic movies. I'm done with the scary - for a long time at least.

I would have to say, that through most of the scary movies I've seen, there tends to be a pattern. I understand that Freddy came first, or early in the classic horror films. But, at least in this version, the child molester thing was not a surprise. I have never seen the original so I don't know what the story behind Freddy really is in that one. But this version was him being a child molester of some sort, although they never came straight out and said it. There are a lot more movies since then that have been about that. 'American Haunting' - yes, I'm going to ruin it for you - was about her father molesting/raping her. It seems like it's a crazy evil thing, but it turns out that it's just about her father being a disgusting man. There are others as well, but that was the first that came to mind.

I don't know about you - but that is a very disgusting thing and having horror movies that have that underlying thing isn't really that scary. I mean, it is, but it makes sense that they are being haunted and the kids are freaking out because it's a seriously awful thing to have happen to them.

Memories can't kill you, but repressed memories and emotions can. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that: Yes, this was a scary movie with scenes that made you jump, gross things happen, but ultimately I feel like I wasn't that scared from it. I'm not afraid of him haunting my dreams because I don't have any repressed memories/feelings.

So - looks like I'll be okay and survive sleeping. Which is good cuz I'm kinda tired today.

I'm in the 'Cool Kids' Club now....

2010-04-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am the youngest and most single member of a book club. Doesn't usually bother me. But the first book they chose - don't get me wrong, it's probably an amazing book but I couldn't and wouldn't make myself finish it - was "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman.

I know what I need to feel loved. I know that buying me things or telling me how amazing, beautiful, or perfect I am are not things that will make me feel loved. They're not terrible things, but not what I need to know that you love me. Supposedly this book helps you figure out what your 'love language' is so that you can convey that to your spouse/significant other and be able to strengthen the relationship.

Honestly - I don't know if there are such things as 'love languages' specifically or not. But I do know that really throughout the whole nite (2 hours at the restaurant) the main message was communication. Regardless if you know what your 'love language' is, or what your significant other's 'love language' is, you need to communicate that with each other. If you don't communicate, then knowing the 'love language' is not going to help the relationship.

So, not only was the entire nite mostly about husbands and some about kids (it's okay, Alice - I knew it would happen) it made me realize that things are so much more complicated than they need to be. Communicate - that's the key - and once you are good at that things can only get better.

Book clubs are so different, depending on who you're in the 'club' with. And maybe I should attempt a single's one. Or at least I should've gotten the Single's Edition of this such book - because I didn't read the whole thing. Nor will I be able to force myself to do so for awhile. Again - through the conversation it sounded like a great, informative, and uplifting book. But not one I could get through.

First Kiss

2010-04-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything."
I don't know where that quote came from - I found it in a really old email I had.
Last nite I dreamt about kissing this guy I'm good friends with. It technically wouldn't be our first kiss, but basically would be. And it was amazing! But I might have to attribute that to not having kissed anyone in awhile, and that my dreams can be very vivid.
Either way, I would LOVE to have that 'first' kiss happen as described above.

I Feel Pretty

2010-04-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was just complimented on my hair again. I never thought it looked that great in a french braid, but apparently it does. Someone on Thursday liked it, and again today. Yay for cute, but very lazy hairstyles. (And thanks, MOM, for doing it. haha)
I was also told I have some incredibly white teeth. I was actually thinking the other day that my teeth needed to be whitened. I guess you just need to darken your skin and then your teeth go white. Or just look more white. Yay for tanning beds! And the beach, of course!
I have decided that I much prefer to be tan than white, regardless of what the 'in' thing is. Although I probably won't stay tan throughout the winter, but once Spring is back on the horizon, so will my golden skin.

Graduation

2010-04-14T17:28:00.000-07:00

This might have been our graduation song - or maybe it was just big our senior year. Either way I was thinking about it today for some reason. And while listening to it - I got all sad. And not so much the missing high school or the friends from there, but because nothing is like the way you plan it. Or at least it hasn't been for me. And now my life is confusing, complicated, and frustrating. Definitely good times, but I wish it was different some days....

Ideas-A-Plenty

2010-04-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

I tend to get lots of ideas for posts. Most of them are either short or just incredibly pointless and you'll wonder why you read it.
But even with all the ideas, I don't really take the time to do it. I'm afraid I will probably spout out way too much personal junk that's clogging up everything lately.
So for the next couple weeks (since I don't really post that often anyway) I will either have really short posts, or really pointless posts, or a mix of the two.
PS - I'm really jealous of some of my friend's posts. They are so creative. . . Boo for my uncreativeness.

Another PS - I have to come up with a religious skit for a girls' camp. Anybody good at skits??

I might always hate other people

2010-03-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

There are times that I just hate other people. Hate may be a bit strong - dislike, want to beat, have no desire to ever be around again, etc etc.

I hate when they treat me like I don't know anything.
I hate when what they say directly contradicts their actions - hello! Actions show what's really going on, not the words.
I hate when they say you can call with questions, but then they refuse to answer any.
I hate when they drive stupidly - get off the road!
I hate when they act so much better than me - they don't know me.
I hate when they think they know me, and they have absolutely no idea.
I hate that some people can lose weight so much better than me.
I hate those people that seem to be able to do everything, and they're good at it all too.
I hate .... well. I just really dislike other people sometimes.

I really gotta learn to just let it go. It doesn't matter. They are who they are, and it really doesn't matter. It doesn't have to affect me. I can't control how stupid they are or how ignorant they are. I will just look at them and think, "I'm sorry you are the way you are. I hope that one day things will get better for you."
People may say these same things in reference to me, but such is life.

You're Not Alone

2010-03-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was reading a friend's blog and realized that I am not the only one that tends to have wandering thoughts when there's not much to occupy my time.
My thoughts wander quite a bit. If I were to take you on a little trip through my thought processes, you'd probably get lost in everything . . . .
Another friend said the same thing about getting lost if you tried to follow the thoughts. Glad to know I'm not alone.
One thought, while browsing aimlessly through blogs this evening (during class), was how strange one person might see someone and events that happened as opposed to another person. I was dating a guy who is now married. I stumbled across his wife's blog and read her little thing about them dating or getting to know each other. It was funny because parts of the timeline was while he was 'in love' with me and we were dating. I definitely saw him and that timeline much differently than his now-wife saw those days.
Another thought - I'm sick of my hands being so cold. I don't want them sweating, but I would like them to be at least thawed enough that I don't want to be wearing gloves all the time.
But perhaps another post will be taking you on a journey through my meandering thoughts, as I do not want to bore you any longer . . .

some girls

2010-03-26T20:00:00.001-07:00

There are some girls that are just so damn adorable - ALL the time - that it's just not fair!!
Whether they are all dressed up, being a bum, or just waking up - they always looks so cute.... Blah!
I am friends with quite a few of those girls - but can never seem to be that girl. Oh well, I'm me. And I have my adorable, cute, sometimes even sexy moments. That is, when I actually have the desire to actually do things to try and look good. hehe.
Be lazy, or always look good?
I think you know my answer to that one. . . .

I have Permission

2010-03-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

I was discussing with my nephew recently how I wanted to go to the beach. I asked if he wanted to go. And it proceeded into a conversation of whether he would want to move and leave his friends. He decided he could visit and so could they.

He also decided he would like to live by the beach.

But that I definitely could too. I asked him, since he can't move without his mom, would I be able to move to the beach? I asked him if I should move? He said, "Yes, you can move to the beach!"

hahahaha.... I love how my nephew gives me permission and then acts like it's the simplest decision and plan in the world.

Aw - if only it were as easy as he thinks.
Another day he said if I moved, he would have to visit me EVERY weekend.... well, at least once a month. He's adorable and quite funny. But I'm glad he gave me permission.

Recently I went to visit the beach (thus asking the little guy if I could move there) and it was wonderful. While at church, we had to be introduced to everyone. So my friend, Ariel, introduced herself and said she was trying to move there. Then I introduced myself and told them she was trying to convince me to move there. Turns out that they all agreed with her. So they all proceeded to give me reasons that I should move..... aw.... if only it was that easy.

There's a lot of factors other than just wanting to.... but I'm sure it could be a good possibility. Right??

State Quarters

2010-03-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever taken a second to read what's on the back of that $0.25 you are spending?
On the back of some quarters it tells something about the state.
Some are obvious like:

Arizona - Grand Canyon State

Washington - Evergreen State

Montana - Big Sky Country

Utah - Crossroads of the West

Minnesota - Land of 10,000 Lakes

Michigan - Great Lakes State

Texas - The Lone Star State

Louisiana - Louisiana Purchase

But there are some I didn't know:

New Mexico - The Land of Enchantment
Florida - Gateway to Discovery
Alaska - The Great Land
Nevada - The Silver State
Wyoming - The Equality State
Oregon - Crater Lake
Iowa - Foundation in Education
Missouri - Corps of Discovery
Tennessee - Musical heritage
Ohio - Birthplace of Aviation Pioneers
New York - Gateway to Freedom
New Hampshire - Live Free or Die Old Man of the Mountain

Some that I'm not sure what they mean:
Hawaii - UA MAU KE EA O KA AINA I KA PONO
Idaho - Esto Perpetua

Some that aren't very creative at all:
California - John Muir Yosemite Valley
West Virginia - New River Gorge

Nebraska - Chimney Rock

Colorado - Colorful Colorado

Illinois - Land of Lincoln

Some don't have any words describing the state.

And they all say: E Pluribus Unum

*I didn't list all of them, but some of the more interesting ones.

Brain fart

2010-03-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

I have had lots of fun ideas to post about. Things to say. Etc.
But for some reason today, I'm just not getting any inspiration.
And having some serious brain farts. I can't really focus on anything. I have no desire to do homework/any work.
I have a lot to think about, do, decide, etc - but can't seem to keep my thoughts straight or focused.
Definitely a Brain fart aka Stupor.

Innocence of Youth

2010-03-11T07:04:00.000-08:00

While sitting here listening to a little girl (mom is babysitting this morning) I realize just how cute and innocent kids are.
She's excited because she'll be starting T-ball (actually Weeball since she's so little) and is going to have a pink helmet, cleets, and maybe even a pink bat. Aw.... the joys and simplicity.
I loved the days when your best friend is the person you sat with on the bus, when getting frozen juice push-pop at lunch was wonderful, when homework was a page of spelling or simple math, and when being silly all the time was acceptable.
Aw - the stress-less, joyful, easy days of being a kid. Why, when we grow up, do we insist on making life difficult?? It doesn't always have to be.
Let's be kids again!!

Changing Seasons, Changing Lives

2010-03-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

It seems that with the change of the season, there are changes in lives. Whether it's small and simple, or big and extreme.
I was recently talking to a friend who has decided to do a complete career change, which includes going back to school and everything. DANG! That's a serious change. Plus she's moving to a different place and other things as well. But it's so worth it and such a good choice for her.
My season changes lately have been how many layers of clothes to wear. Although I am getting my haircut this next week, so that's a small change. I need to make more and I need to make some serious ones. But I really just don't have the motivation to do so. Or more correctly - the sane mind to make the decisions.
I have realized however, that another great friend is attempting to make changes and decisions in his life as well. And he's having a tough time with it. Apparently it's normal to stress and not be able to make decisions that are going to affect you for the rest of your life. Glad to know I'm not alone with it, although I don't wish such things upon someone else either.
But with the sun shining more (*knock on wood cuz this week's weather might not be as good) and registration deadlines looming ahead, it looks like these changes and decisions need to happen soon. Even if I don't make a drastic change, I will need to make some serious decisions and really make living life more exciting.
I told my mom the other day (you can tell I'm slightly bored, thus the rambling....) that I need to start doing things that I've always wanted to do, I need to start making things happen, and I need to start doing things and going places even if I have no one to go with me. If I waited for someone else to join me in some of my adventures, then they'll never happen. So I've gotta start doing them myself. Not as exciting, but it makes things happen.

Raincoat Dilemma

2010-03-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

I have been in need/want of a raincoat for a few years. It's not always cold rain, but who wants to be wet all day just from running to and from your car?

So I looked at a store that I usually find is right on the Bullseye *hint* with cute clothes. Or at least I think they have some cute clothes, accessories and such. But I don't always like to spend that kind of money. Thus I looked at the raincoats, but couldn't quite get myself to purchase one.

While in Utah visiting a good friend of mine, we went thrift-store shopping, just to see what we could find. And by this time I had kind of given up looking for a rain-coat. But what did we find? A very cute black and white polka-dot raincoat that has stripes on the other side (it's reversable, but i like the polka dots outside better). Luckily enough, it was only $5!!

I'm not big into buying 2nd hand clothes - call me a snob if you want - but I think it's a childhood aversion to such. I have, however, slowly gotten out of that and am willing to at least look. And I'm glad I did.

A brand-new raincoat for $20+ or a just-as-cute-almost-new raincoat for $5? I think we all can figure out the math on this one.

(I am my own photographer. It gets old, but when you need a picture, you're always there.)

Sunshine!!!

2010-03-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

I am a firm believer that the sun is an anti-depressant.

I'll be honest - I've been down in the dumps, depressed, angry and extremely unhappy lately. I hate to admit it cuz I've never been like that before. But I really was (and still am now and then).

But the sun is shining!! And the day is wonderful!!

There are probably a few factors that led to the happy day, but most definitely the sunshine. I walked out of class yesterday and it was warm and sunny. And my mood went from 'whatever' to 'happy' and it stayed all day.

It's amazing what some sunshine can do.

So I also am a firm believer in living somewhere tropical and warm all the time. Thus I am looking into becoming a cabana girl on the beach where the sun shines more often than not and it doesn't get below 65 degrees all year long.

Any suggestions on the destination?

Used to - Can I go back?

2010-02-25T10:55:00.000-08:00

I used to be a player.
I know that sounds odd. But there were plenty of times in my life when I was with one guy or more and we had our good times without any emotion being involved. I didn't have any problem with it. I enjoyed it. And - this is terrible - I usually didn't feel bad if the guy ended up liking me and I didn't feel the same.
Somehow, somewhere, I started to get emotions involved with things. What the hell?!?! I would much prefer spending time with these male friends, whether kissing is involved or not, and just enjoy it. Not worry about whether he cares about me, if I care about him, is it going to go somewhere, is it not, does it matter?
Yet - it does. Maybe not right away, but eventually things start to change. Sometimes for the better - but in my case it's usually for the worse. How do I change that? How do I go back to being care-free and not think about it?
Is it the age? Is it the fact that I don't want to be single forever? What changed? And how do I get back the carefree, thoughtless days of before??

Eye Candy

2010-02-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

I am a candy addict. But I really like the Eye Candy. I would prefer if it was more of an interaction, but candy is good too! And what a better way to start the day than with good-smelling eye candy?
I was at the gas station - of all random places - getting my morning fix and he was in line checking out. Mmmmm!!!
He looked at me. Saw him looking at me twice. But is that a good thing? Or was it more of looking at me cuz I was one of 'those' kind of girls? It's hard to tell.
But then I walked up to the counter as he left and BOY did he smell good!!
What a nice way to start the day!! Now I just need to learn to say, "Hello" and "Good Morning" to people. Then maybe I'll make new friends.
As I read last nite:
Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.
I would've been okay with that cutie as my friend!!

Feeling Girly

2010-02-23T15:15:00.000-08:00

Strangely - looking at my background makes me want to do some cute, fun, girly scrapbooking pages. And maybe some really cute crafty things. I'm not sure if it's the colors, design or just that I haven't done it in awhile, but I'm really in the mood to do so.....

I want to get all dressed up cute and girly too.
Is that weird?

Calories - What are those?

2010-02-23T08:30:00.000-08:00

I find it humorous that people who eat or drink certain things, count calories.
Counting calories when drinking beer is like eating fat-free twinkies - it just doesn't work.
Why bother counting the calories if you're going to drink/eat it anyway?? Don't even waste the time pretending like it makes a difference. If it mattered to you that much, you wouldn't partake of it.
I don't think about it. I probably should - especially since I've been gaining a lot of weight. But I don't and I'm okay with that. If I want to make a difference, then I'll start an exercise regimen. But counting calories and denying myself things I enjoy - not going to happen.

Name

2010-02-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

My last name has always - or almost always - been pronounced wrong. I'm not sure why it's so difficult to figure out, but it is. And I'm very used to correcting people about it. But I think that from now on I will use an alias.
'An alias? But why? Doesn't that take away from your great family name?'
Absolutely it doesn't! I obviously still have to use my legal name for every legal document and such. But for anything else I will use an alias.
No reason trying to get someone to not pronounce my name wrong, or ask me if I know anyone from some random show that has the same name as me - when really they are saying the last name all wrong.
It happened once - in a pizza place when they were late getting my order done. And the guy kept chatting to me about my last name. HELLO!! Don't care and not sure if I could've given you any more vibes of "don't talk to me, I don't care what you have to say." I had no idea what he was talking about when he was asking me if I was related to some random realtor or something who had an ad on TV in the early 90's who he thought I was related to when we had completely different last names. How many times do I need to repeat my last name for you to understand me? Really....??
Thus I am choosing an alias for everything other than legalities.
Can I go by an alias when meeting random people at the bar and stuff too??

Don't Eat and Talk on the Phone

2010-02-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

It's inevitable. Everytime I take a bite or have my mouth full of something - took a big swig of a drink, big bite of the sandwich or something - and the phone rings.
The other day at work it happened just about every time I took a bite. If it were my personal phone, it wouldn't matter. I would've answered anyway and my friends/family would have dealt with it. But when it's a work matter - not good.
I think I got away with having food in my mouth and not being noticed - but why does it seem that everytime you take a bite you hear that ring-ring-ring of the phone??
Does that happen to anyone else?
What else seems to happen everytime you do something?

A whole separate blog of Dreams

2010-02-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

I could seriously start a whole separate blog of dreams. I could write a book about them. I could have a whole different life with them.
If you've ever read my previous blogs about dreams - you know I dream almost every nite. I don't enjoy it all the time. It can be pretty interesting and like the dream the other nite, exhilarating.
Last nite was just strange. I blame Facebook for the people that were in it. I think it was just a reliving - but a different living - of high school. I was young, yet as myself now, and had all the people that I went to high school with surrounding me and the activities we did.
It was nice 'seeing' them again - but weird that it had no current people or friends. And especially since I haven't actually talked to a lot of the people that were in the dream - thus I blame Facebook cuz I probably saw them. haha.
But even though I can write a whole book on some dreams, start a completely separate blog, etc, I will not be writing them all the time. Nor will I be starting a separate blog about dreams. They are usually too hard to explain. And I don't want to attempt it just to sound completely crazy. haha!

Death by a Dream

2010-02-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

I was quite literally running for my life all nite. There was this . . . thing. Not quite human, but not a monster. He looked and acted fairly human. (I believe he may have actually taken over my friend's body . . . )
I was attending a big social gathering, although I knew I was in danger, I had to go. While there, I acted as though everything was normal and I was not worried about my life. Yet I started to feel strange - not sure if I was drugged, or he was starting to control me. So I casually, yet quickly, made my escape without letting others know why I was leaving.
Then at another point I had locked myself into a room. I needed some people to help me cuz I could not leave. One person betrayed me - but not by their own choice. And there were others who were trying to help, were concerned and on my side, but I could not trust them. I could not let them in. I told them to just go away - friends that I've known for years. But they would just be in danger and I would not be able to have them around.
I could not get away from him and everyone was an enemy.
I don't remember how things ended or specific details (I've been awake too long) but I do remember almost waking up in fright a few times. And quite literally scared and running for my life the majority of the nite.
It was exciting and exhilarating - but definitely not a good nite's sleep.
(This was definitely not the full details, nor all of the dream - but it gives the idea.)

I go through a lot of Cameras

2010-02-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

It seems like after every adventure or two (sometimes three) I have to get a new camera. (I don't spend a lot on my cameras, which is good. It's just something to take a basic picture with.)
And I think that this process of going through cameras can be compared to relationships - for some people.
You purchase a shiny, new, fun camera. You use it ALL the time. It's always there and ready to capture the moment with you.
But then something happens. Or a few things happen and it just isn't working quite as nice anymore. So then you can't rely on it for everything. It misses the good shots. It's just not working as well as it should.
You decide to get something new. Throwing away the first one is not really an option just yet. You keep it around for the random adventure that you don't want the new one to get hurt participating in - using it just a little bit. But eventually the old one just gets ignored more and more. And finally gets completely discarded - never thought about again.
Get, use, abuse, toss aside - ocassionally using again, but ultimately going for the newer model.

Why spend the money?

2010-01-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

I don't understand people. They spend a lot of money on things, but they don't use them to their potential. Vehicles for example:
Why would you buy a sports car, but barely even drive the speed limit?
Why would you buy a convertible - but not have the top down on a gorgeous day?
Why would you buy a truck if you don't haul stuff, drive over curbs, or take it off-roading?
There are other things that people buy and don't use to their full potential - why would you bother spending the money if you aren't going to use it??

Reasonable

2010-01-26T11:12:00.000-08:00

I'm taking law classes. I'm into the meat of my degree.
They frequently refer to a 'reasonable person' and they compare the crime/wrongful act with a 'reasonable person.'
But here's a question for you: Is a reasonable person a prude person?
I drive fast, but I still have control and I take weather conditions into my driving. But because I drive faster than the speed limit, does that mean I'm not a 'reasonable person.'
I just wonder if sometimes they consider a 'reasonable person' to be a slightly overly careful, prude person.
I suppose as long as I stay on the right side of the law, it doesn't necessarily matter.

Emotional

2010-01-22T20:29:00.001-08:00

I watched the telethon tonite for Haiti. I almost called in - just to see what 'famous' person I might talk to. Although I wish I could give all the money in the world.
I watched the news all nite the first few nites of the earthquake. It was devastating and terrible.
It made me want to cry. Seeing it still makes me sad.
I want to go down there and with my able body help rebuild. Help move the rubble and clean up. I want to help watch and take care of the people. I want to take all the orphans into my arms and give them the love they so desperately need while they are scared and confused. I want to make their lives whole again, somehow. I want to help them start over. I want to work from morning until nite, until my body drops from exhaustion, sweating and straining and helping.
But all they want/need is my money. And I just don't have that. I wish I could win the lottery and pay for all kinds of medical supplies - but that's just not possible.
Take my energy, take my sweat, take my blood (literally - I think my type is a good one for anyone) because that's the only way I can really help.
I get overwhelmed, depressed and sick to think of it all.
Is that why most people tend to get so caught up in drama and stupid things of life - so they don't feel these things, so they don't have to care, so they don't have to worry about stuff they feel like they can never make better?? I feel like I'm that way sometimes.... It needs to stop being about me and start being about everyone else. People that need it, want it, and appreciate it.
My brothers are amazing - but sometimes they make me feel like a slug. My brother, who is on a mission in the Dominican Republic, felt the earthquake and had this to say:
". . . and yet I think for me the worst part is that I'm an hour and a half car ride away and I can't do anything about it to help. but why should I care. maybe i should be like the majority of the people in the country that i come from; change the channel, turn on the air conditioning, crack open another coke and bag of potato chips, and get sucked into the next episode of the latest drama series. besides, its hot in Haiti. why did they choose to live there anyways?"
Is that how I am? Sometimes I believe I truly am....
"Let us decide now what it is we really want to do with our lives."

Traffic Rants

2010-01-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

I always have something to complain about when it comes to traffic. There are times when I'm just fine with traffic and other drivers. But then there are times I have some serious road rage and I just want to run people off the road. I have yet to do so - although it's been so very tempting.
Now I only get road rage when it comes to stupid drivers. I don't just drive with a lot of rage because I'm an angry person. I get rage when I drive when I am around crazy, stupid, obnoxious other drivers.
For example:
I'm at a light in the middle right turning lane. Both me and the person next to me go at the same time, but they just choose whatever lane they want - which happens to be MINE! And if not for me swerving out of the way as they take over where I just was - there would've been quite an accident. It has happened to me at the same intersection at least twice.
Or the more common of someone pulling out of the parking lot in front of me, even though there's no one behind me and I'm sure they can tell I'm going fast (I'm almost always over the speed limit). The worst part is when they don't push the gas pedal. I pull out in front of people - but I also gun it so they don't even have to practically stop to avoid hitting me - like I have to do with others.
Or how about the sitting at a green light? Green means GO. Do we need to go back to primary school to learn things?
I think that if a car cannot get to the speed limit by two blocks down the road, that the driver either needs to relearn the gas pedal or the car needs to be replaced. Good heavens! The gas pedal is meant to be pushed. Go the speed limit.
Or what about the idiot when on snowy roads (not that there's a lot of snow) who drives in the wrong lane because there happens to be less snow in that lane, but then has to veer quickly back into his lane when a car comes? Um... did you miss that the roads are slick and snow covered? Maybe you should just stay in your lane, even if it does have more snow.
And what about those mini-vans?? You would think that since most people who drive mini-vans (not all because I was stuck with a mini-van rental once) would be more cautious because they tend to have precious, young cargo in the vehicle. But I've almost been run off the road more than once by a mini-van. Or cut off, or pulled in front of me, or was just plain tunnel vision and didn't see me.
Seriously people?? I am in a red car. Not a tiny vehicle, not a gray or easily blendable colored vehicle. It's a RED sedan. How do you not see me?
Do I have a giant sign on my car that says, "Drive like an idiot around me." Or maybe, "Run me over, please!"
I have decided that I am no longer going to save other drivers. I'm not going to be the one to swerve and make things safe. If you're going to pull into my lane and be within feet of hitting me, well - you just might hit me now.
Please just drive smart and then I won't get so upset. And if we are around each other on the road - please see me and be smart.

Good Gosh

2010-01-14T10:50:00.001-08:00

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. I haven't really had the desire to share any of the fun tid-bits that I have. Mainly because I figure I'll end up going on a tangent about depressing, undesirable things. That's been life lately - depressing-ish. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot of good things in life, but you really can't see all that when you're 'down in the dumps.'
So - since I'm back in school (dreaded, hated school) I will probably blog more. For a number of reasons. One being that it's a great way to procrastinate. Another being that I am in the same classroom literally all day long. Holy cow - it will probably get old. But the time in between classes will be great for posting a blog or two. And I always get random thoughts during class, so it's a great way to get them out. Ha!
I guess - if anyone reads this - be prepared for an onslaught of random posts. (I've also decided that whether people read this or not, I don't particularly care. It gives me a place to put my random thoughts. Then maybe I'll sleep better.... or not.)

Halloween

2009-10-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

I hosted a party for a bunch of adults and kids at my parent's house. SO glad it didn't end up raining, although we thought it was going to. I even rushed around that afternoon preparing stuff for inside in case it did rain.
Games, signs, food, decorations. Parties are great!
Maybe we'll have one almost every month now...

And your name shall be Squishy . . .

2009-10-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

I have nicknames - probably more than I can remember (I obviously have memory issues).
But I don't remember how I got most of them. Or who gave them to me. Or what happened that I would get such a name.
Most of them are pretty obvious, but some of them have personal meaning behind them, but I cannot - for the life of me - remember what the story behind them happens to be.

Steph - obviously just a shortening of it
Step-on-me - Thanks, FullHouse for coming up with such a cruel name.
RefrigerAder - Not sure where she got it, but a good friend of mine uses it sometimes.
GatorAde - Again, not sure why this girl started it - perhaps has part of my last name in it?
MovieStar - got when I was younger perhaps because I was supposed to be a movie star
Monster - I don't remember this story (but he got me a Monster drink to show me...haha)
AderHater - they rhymed and he said I was a hater - but we all know I'm not (all the time).
Goober - well, this is just a name used for everyone....ha!

I've also been called Mom, Grandma (apparently they can't keep our names straight), the occasional 'cruel' word my friends and I would yell at each other in jest, and there were probably a lot of others as well. And probably names that were used behind my back to talk about me. Ha!
So - do you have a nickname for me? What are your nicknames?

Leaving

2009-10-11T15:14:00.000-07:00

All of these soldiers getting deployed makes me sad.
My brother went years ago - at the first of the war. It was sad, it was scary, but he returned home safe and alive. Thank heavens!!
I know even more people leaving or friends who's husbands are leaving. I hate it.
Why? Why do you have to leave? Why do they keep sending more troops?
Why can't they stay home and be safe?

Good luck, soldiers. We love you and appreciate you!!

And oh - how I wish they wouldn't have to keep going...
Come home safely!!

Drive-Thru Window

2009-10-07T14:33:00.001-07:00

We have a window in the kitchen that has no screen that opens out conveniently onto the back porch. It's been very handy when having backyard cook-outs and such.

We've even used it as a 'Drive-Thru Window'.

Tonite's conversation:

"What kind of cookie would you like - with or without chocolate?"

"Both, please!"

"And for you?"

"Both, please. And do you have a restroom in there I can use??"

hahahahaha - silly boys!!

From a Distance

2009-10-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

A song that Bette Midler sings. I've sung it for years and hadn't really thought truly about what it was saying....

From a distance, there is harmony, and it echoes through the land. It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace, it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough, and no one is in need. And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease, no hungry mouths to feed

Such words makes me feel like the world is great and wonderful. It's truly Heaven on Earth. But then the song says that:

God is watching us. God is watching us.

Of course God is watching us.

God is watching us from a distance.

If God is watching us from a distance, then wouldn't that be saying that He's seeing us as stated above. That from a distance everything is great, grand and wonderful. I am pretty sure that the song is truly saying that God is watching from a distance, so to Him, everything seems great and He does not interfere, He does not listen, and He does not help. That is a terribly sad thing to think.
The song still sounds pretty and I will still sing it, but I do not believe it. I do not believe that God only watches things from a distance. I believe that God loves us and absolutely knows what's going on - firsthand, not from a distance.

The World is going to Hell

2009-09-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

It's true. There's nothing good on the news - nothing.
I rarely watch or read it.
Last nite a big story - mother was stabbed and her 4 day old baby stolen. An assumed illegal - stabbed by a blonde, white girl - and baby stolen.
Another story - a 94-yr old man was murdered and dismembered.
If I did listen to the news - I might've heard about this one before. A mother said her child was kidnapped by the babysitter, when evidence seems to point out that mother killed the child - the child's bloody silhouette found in the trunk of mother (no disturbing photos).
Or the multiple stories of parents beating their children. Some admit to it, some do not.
They are allowing weapons into places that serve alcohol now. This is such a great idea since people that become intoxicated seem to really be in control and don't let emotions over-ride common sense - if they even have any common sense to begin with.
It's not just adults that are stupid - teens are probably worse. School shootings and killings are beginning to grow in numbers. It's terrible.

And none of this even begins to touch all the terrible things there are. These are just a few of them. Plus we have the natural disaster tragedies. Which are terrible and very sad - and much more frequent than they used to be. But I still think that man vs man crimes and disasters are so much worse.

I personally believe that things are getting worse (beyond religious revelations) because people have become numb to violence. There are so many movies, games and just violent behavior that it doesn't bother people to talk about killing someone. It doesn't seem to bother someone to beat another person. They have become numb to violence and it's disgusting - absolutely revolting.

Team Songs VS National Anthem

2009-09-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

Which song do your kids learn first at school:

The state/football song or the National Anthem??

Let's seriously hope it's the National Anthem, or I'll wonder what this country is coming to....

My nephew is learning "Rocky Top" (listen here) at school. He's in the 2nd grade. And I'm not sure he even knows the National Anthem yet. I mean.... really?? I know everyone bleeds orange in this town - but shouldn't it be about the Red, White, and Blue first????

Maybe we should use this little karaokee video as part of the school curriculum to get them to learn it.... Sheesh!!

I got to wondering...

2009-09-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

about a lot of things actually.
Why did I sign up for something that will keep me in this hell-ish place for longer than I ever wanted? (love the family - but don't want to be here)
Why do I let personal things out on my blog?
Why do I listen, when I swore I wouldn't the last time it happened?
Why can't I save money - even for a good purpose?
Why do I let emotions get involved?
Why do I always say the wrong thing?
Why don't I ever say things at the right time?
Why can't I ever seem to get things right?
Why can't I distract myself?
Why do I care?
Why do fries taste so good when they are so unhealthy?
Why can't I just run away?
Why do I always have a stash of candy?

And now I think I need to stop posting such personal things and start posting more random, unemotional, actually entertaining things.

Productive

2009-09-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

The days when you actually accomplish things you can see - feels so great.
Today I slept in and have still been able to accomplish things.
Okay - there are days when a lot is done, but you can't see it for it's not like studying is something you could see got done.
But the days when you can cross things off the to-do list and you can see the work that was done - oh those days are so great.
And then you need to be rewarded of course.
So I think I might go bowling or perhaps to a movie since today has and will continue to be productive.

I'm confused

2009-09-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'm always confused.

But now I'm really confused.

And he didn't help.
No wonder why I am trying to avoid having feelings beyond friendship for anyone.

What did I do this time?
(And yes, I'm pretty sure I had to have done something - otherwise, why would it be like this?)
*Frowny face*

I may have a Vagina

2009-09-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

but that does NOT mean that I am incompetent.
I absolutely hate when males look at a woman as though she has no idea what she's talking about and has lost her mind - when it is quite possible for a woman to know what she wants done with her car.

I went in to have my tires replaced at a location I will leave undisclosed. I told the guy that I wanted the two tires on the passenger side replaced, but put on the front. He looked at me like he had absolutely no idea what I was saying. (Let's pretend that my dad wasn't the one who told me to do that.) Apparently I wasn't speaking English.... or so it seemed by his expression. He was all sorts of confused and then told the technician that he would have to explain what to do with my car. I told the technician I wanted the two passenger tires replaced, but put on the front. Well - at least HE understood. Which is good cuz he was the one working on the car. And then the first guy told me that the tires would be $XX, which was over $10 more than I had been told on the phone. I explained that to him - and then he was all sorts of confused/upset. He then looked through what he had, said the cheapest tires were $XX, which was only a few dollars more than I was told. Why he couldn't have just told me that to begin with, I have no idea....

And this isn't just at auto repair places. It's at pretty much anything auto, outdoor, or otherwise assumed a 'manly' interest. Especially car salesmen... Do you want me to buy a car? Then treat me with respect, not like I'm an idiot who knows nothing.
Just because I have a vagina does not mean I don't know anything about 'manly' things as well.

Famous People

2009-09-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not against hearing about famous people - but do we really need to have full news hours on their death and the possible suicide involved with it? I don't care if he was the 'King of Pop', hottest guy on TV, or *anything else. Don't get me wrong - I like them, but I would like to hear of good things.
And what makes one celebrity so much more important than the others? Why does one guy get a whole news hour about him while another barely gets any note that he's gone? Is it a matter of how they died - and if it was a scandal they get more coverage??
How come those who purposely kill themselves get more hype than those who had to suffer a disease and die or got in a wreck and died? How come if the person had more scandalous things happen in their life, they get more notice? It's not really fair when someone who was very talented and smart in making their life decisions gets thrown to the side and not recognized for the things they did. Why should we praise, remember, and glorify people who don't live right, who purposely do stupid/wrong things??
I'm not against people who are stupid and do wrong things - but why should we glorify and continually talk about it?? Let's glorify, remember and talk about those who lived good lives and were also very talented.

*Disclaimer: I'm not pinpointing any One person, I'm just giving examples. I like celebrities and their talents they give us, I just don't like to hear about their personal lives and scandals.

New Experiences

2009-09-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

I went last nite with a friend to a motorcycle rally in Cherokee, NC. While there we saw 'Motorhead'. This is definitely a new thing for me. I am not used to metal/rock bands. Although I have definitely been introduced to music that I don't usually listen to.

And it was actually a fairly good show. I didn't know any of the music - but it was still fun. Apparently it wasn't as loud or roudy as things can get at such concerts.

But there were definitely some obnoxious people. And some very weird people too - but it was great to people watch.

There weren't near as many bikes as I thought there would be, but it was still fabulous fun and I enjoyed trying something new. I'm sure I will be enjoying some more new music adventures.

I also recently decided to color my hair in a very strange way. I usually do just normal colors - blonde, brunette, occasional red. But since I don't have a job and am not planning on getting one in the next month or so, I decided to do something different.

And purple it is!!

Next month it might be blue.

What do you do when....

2009-09-11T16:54:00.001-07:00

you need a change but aren't sure what?
you feel like crawling into a hole and dying?
your son cries for 20 minutes because he wanted the baby to be a sister, not another brother?
you have the time and money, but nowhere to go?
you want to spend time with someone, but for different reasons than they do?
you want to avoid the world and disappear?
you really need to pee, but there are no bathrooms nearby?
you're not hungry but need to eat?
you feel like it's an obligation to be social, not enjoyable?
you miss someone/something so much you really don't know what to do?
you wish for something to be, but there's really no hope of it happening?
you want to cry, but aren't sure where the feeling came from?
you feel like exploding?

PLEASE Wash Your Hands

2009-09-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

There are signs EVERYWHERE reminding people to wash their hands after the bathroom, when coughing, sneezing, etc.

PLEASE remember to wash your hands - I don't want your germs.

And please don't come out of the stall and proceed to fix your hair, straighten your clothes and then wash your hands.

HELLO!!

Playing with you hair is okay AFTER the germs are washed off your hands. Every time you touch your hair, you will spread those germs you just put there. And if you happen to have a guy that plays with your hair - he'll get those germs. And then it becomes a giant, nasty, germy spreading cycle...

Please wash your hands and THEN play with your hair and clothes and whatever.....

Food

2009-09-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

I once heard that most cultures eat to live - whereas the American culture seems to live to eat... Sounds about right - and the obesity rate seems to support that.

But this post will be about my LOVE for certain food... and sometimes I live to eat. That's just how it goes... But I also have a food intolerance for some...

This is a recent discovery. I used to just eat whatever and then sometimes I would get sick for a couple days. I could never figure out what it was. Then I thought maybe it was peanuts - probably because of something I ate and then was sick the next day. But then I've discovered it's for all nuts - almonds, peanuts, etc - and that made me sad. I really like nuts, especially chocolate covered ones.

I read an article today comparing food allergies to food intolerance. I'm not allergic, just intolerant. And honestly the sickness after eating it isn't worth not eating it. So I've decided I will continue to eat those wonderfully tasty morsels and just be sure I'm not camping, vacationing, or traveling the next few days after.

Parking made easy

2009-09-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

Just buy a motorcycle.

I'm in the market for a new car and I figured I should just buy a motorcycle.

I get to school about 30+ minutes early and still have to park clear out in the FAR parking lot... Then I have to hike all the way to my building and up 3 flights of stairs. So if I just had a motorcycle, I could park closer and all would be well....

But then again - I get speeding tickets a lot, and I'm sure that wouldn't change even if I had a smaller vehicle. So maybe it's safer for me to have a full vehicle that surrounds me than just me and the wind. Besides, it's good exercise walking 600 miles (exaggeration) to class - right??

Mid-Year Review

2009-09-03T14:54:00.001-07:00

I know it's a bit late since it's now September and mid-year is July, but I was thinking about an earlier post I wrote about things I want to do for the year of 2009. And I've accomplished a few - not enough, but a few.
Concerts - Definitely have. A lot of which is a HUGE thanks to my friend, Mitchell!! You're the best, Mitch!!
Snowboarding - Summer isn't the best for that, but this winter I might take a trip. Even if it's just boarding for one day, I've gotta go!
Beach - I've definitely done this, although not enough. But can you ever get enough of the beach??
Spring Break Trip - Alas, I went another year without one. But perhaps this next Spring I will, since I'll have a 'break' from school and all....
Leave Country - I had a tentative trip planned to go to Chile with my brother. No go. Then I've been planning a trip to Italy... but I still haven't completely decided if it's a smart thing to do (being unemployed and all). So perhaps this will have to wait...
Another Road Trip - I have accomplished this one. I went out west with Mom. I also drove my brother up to PA. But I don't think it's over. NYC soon!!
High School Reunion - I didn't go to the 5 year, but I did get to see a couple friends and their kids. Hopefully I'll get to see more of them before the year is up!
Start Classes - This I've done. Started this week. YAY!! Hopefully I have more brain cells than I think because I'm not so sure how this semester is going to go....

I was going to have a list of new goals for the rest of the year - but I'll just go with whatever adventures come my way. Besides - I have a lot of 'to-do' ideas yet to work on.

Back to School

2009-09-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

It's the first week and I already feel like I'm going to fail each and every class....

Okay - I'm only taking 3 - but no one's been sounding very promising about it going to go very well. Mom got mad at me for having no confidence and my sister said I was smart - but when the teacher tells you it's a hard class, then the head of the department tells you that, then it must be a hard class. Plus I'm out of the swing of being in school.... And I don't do well with numbers or foreign languages....

And I'm starting to get sick. . . I think. So that's never fun. Let's hope I can beat the cold before it gets too bad.

And let's also hope that I can do well this semester and hopefully be done by next fall (which may not happen depending on the school and the program).
Man - I'm just a downer today....And it's not the back-to-school-blues because I'm honestly kind of excited about being in class again. I think I'm just getting sick. Blah!!

Reminders

2009-08-31T19:15:00.000-07:00

I forget things very easily.
Example: I walked into a store the other day with my friend and realized or thought of something I needed to tell my brother. Which is strange because he and I don't really talk much - so to randomly think of something I wanted to tell him was important. I didn't have his number so I went to text mom for it. But she was still in church so I figured I'd wait until after.... but not even 10 minutes later I forgot what I was going to tell my brother. I thought and thought and just couldn't remember.....

I say this because I have thought of many a post to write on this strange blog. Creative ideas, thoughtful things, and even just plain random stuff. And then of course I forget. But there are times when I'll write a little note/text and save it in my phone so I'll remember what it is. Although by the time I get around to typing the full post - the original thought isn't there and I have to use a second string one.
I have actually even called and left myself a voicemail before. I don't remember if it was for a post, a message for someone, or something I needed to talk to someone about - but I definitely called myself and left a message so I could remember.

I'd better work on that memory problem of mine before I get too busy, too old, or just too forgetful that it presents a serious problem.

Recent projects

2009-08-25T10:30:00.001-07:00

I also have a lot in the making - but here are ones done.

This first one is of my brother - he picked wildflowers for his girlfriend in Wyoming, but couldn't bring them home. Or so he told her - so I put them in a frame with the picture he took of the fresh flowers and it was a present to her.

This second picture is of our 'family wall.' It's been a long going project -or at least one we've talked about redoing for awhile. And now it's finally done!! Yay!

Shakes Head

2009-08-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

And to think that I was part of this disaster... ! It actually stayed on - with only a few times of it moving and pretending it was going to fly off.
The next stop (after dropping the mattress off) was Lowe's where we proceeded to fill the car with 2x4's, 1x4's, 2x10's, 2x6's - and amazingly it all fit with the trunk closed.
Who knew how similar a car could be to a truck??

Blinders

2009-08-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

(For those unfamiliar with missionaries: Young Men -and sometimes young women - in our church serve a proselyting, 2 years, full-time, away from home and family and technology, submerging themselves completely in the Gospel. They are to follow certain rules/standards. No movies, no dating, no social life, no computers, etc.)
While I was out of town my mother sent me a text message saying there was an attractive missionary, my age, from New Zealand, that was serving in our area. I just laughed and shook my head of course. He's a missionary, Mom, so what good does that do me?
Well - today was the first time I went to church there in a few weeks (I've been out of town). And it just so happened that the first person I saw was this Elder that my mom had mentioned. And she was right - he IS good-looking. However, he's STILL a missionary.
I have this kind of unspoken rule that I try to keep my distance from them. Not because I'm trying to be rude, but because I am a single female, close to their age, and have a tendency to flirt with single males that are close to my age. So it's easier to just stay away from them. This rule hasn't changed.
Apparently he's just a really friendly guy - or he doesn't have quite the same rule that I do. He purposely sat right by us in the first meeting (he sings good). And then he talked to us in between, asking my sister and I about her boys and such. I talked very little. Then between the 2nd and 3rd hour, he talked to me and another lady - where I still said very little, if anything at all. After church I had to find out what time we could drop off dinner tomorrow, so I had to talk to him. He wanted to come over and 'hang out' with us sometime. I just laughed and said that probably wouldn't happen anytime soon.
As I walked out of the building, he did as well. He asked what my name was and then asked me why I wasn't married.
WHAT??!?
Why am I not married??
Of course after my look and answer of, "Um....?," he said he was just kidding. I have had people ask that before (not that I need to be married, sheesh people!!) but never by a missionary. It was pretty weird... but quite funny.
My brother-in-law said he was just trying to flirt - which is not good. I personally think the only reason he was talking to me is because it was the first time he'd seen me, and I'm honestly the only single young adult that attends. But for the purpose of lifting my self-esteem - we'll say it's because he thought I was a hottie and wanted to meet me, so he tried to find some way to have conversation. (hahaha)
So - now I have to be sure to really stay away. I feel like being too friendly to a missionary distracts him from his work. Even though he's good looking (a rugby player, tall, dark-hair, dark-skin, nice, accent, good with kids), he's on a mission and therefor off-limits.
Not that I'm looking for a guy anyway - but I think I need to put some blinders on and pretend I don't see him (or at least not his cute smile).
Maybe blinders to all guys would be a good idea right now....??

School starting

2009-08-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

You know - when school starts you get to go shopping.

New shoes, new pants, couple new shirts, new bookbag, maybe a new lunch box. Of course you have to get new socks and underwear.

And sometimes you even get to have a new haircut.

But in some cases - you HAVE to have a new haircut.

Daimon came in the other day and said - OOPS!! - while he held his hand to the top of his head....

It's one thing to have a little haircut, but he had to lose it all... Poor guy. Thought for sure everyone would make fun of him - but turns out he was only upset a couple hours. That's what happens when you play with scissors I guess.

The busier I am, the better I sleep

2009-08-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

I love playing, and playing hard. I love getting into bed at nite and just collapsing because it's been a busy day - whether just with fun play, or productive work. I love staying up late and getting up early to just play continually.

And I would have to say that I definitely got that opportunity for a few days. Oh man - it was great. I stayed up just randomly talking and spending time with Ariel until about 1 or 2 am and then we got up early for the beach!!

Of course when at the beach - and staying over - you have to play at nite too! The beach all day can wear you out enough, but when you stay ALL day and then stay up ALL nite playing.... oh boy!! And although Ariel kept me up till 3 AM talking (giddy little school girl...haha), I did sleep so good!

The next nite wasn't quite as late - we played at the pool for the day, danced a bit, and then were in bed by about 2 AM, I think... But up again early for the lake!!

Again - staying out in the sun all day can wear you out. Especially when holding on for dear life on a tube being pulled behind the boat at who knows what speeds. But oh man - was it amazingly fun. Days like that make it hard for me to decide whether I want to live lakeside, or beachside. They are both so much fun.

Of course we didn't want the day to end, so we gathered some people from the boat and hung out that nite. We just ended up going to a movie, which was fun. But stayed up late again and then I got up and had to drive the next day.

Man were the days SO MUCH FUN. And the few hours I slept were so nice - filled with dreams as always - but I definitely slept a lot better for all the playing that was done during the day!!

I definitely want to do those things more often. Staying up late playing and having fun, but having to get up the next day for a purpose - otherwise I sleep in and waste the next day. Ha!

So - thanks for the amazing days everyone!!

Not much to say

2009-08-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

I will have random thoughts/ideas for a new post - but then it doesn't seem like it's good enough for an actual post because it's not but a short statement or sentence. Not even a paragraph worth.
I have nothing going on in life to really write about - although the boys say and do the funniest things sometimes.
It makes me feel like a slacker in this great blogging world - especially when I have friends that post such great, entertaining things once a day.
I also feel bad because I then slack in the writing to missionaries. I have a brother on a mission and he gets more letters from a girl he spent a few months hanging out with than he does me. That's not suppose to happen. But I honestly have nothing to tell him. It's the same with my best friend. She's been out for awhile - so I could've written her with stupid drama stories or whatever going on in life for the past year, but I haven't. And now I really don't have anything to write about. Sorry missionaries. Keep working hard and know I'm at least thinking about you!!

Because I have no commitments....

2009-08-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

I tend to sleep in until the little guys come and wake me up (sometimes not until after 10 AM).
I get lost in a book and read it cover to cover in one day.
I browse online (facebook, travel sites, myspace, blogs, more travel sites) all day, leaving the computer screen only to take a bathroom break.
I get absolutely nothing accomplished.
I imagine what places I could live and then look on craigslist for apartments in that city.
I look for movies coming out.
I avoid reality.
I write to-do lists that may or may not get done.
I wish I could get myself motivated to get all dressed up cute and leave the house (but for what purpose?).
I plan trips and vacations that I can only drool over.
I've probably gained weight because the only regular exercise I get is going down to get the mail.

There is a good reason to have a job - and not just for the paycheck.

Play VS Reality

2009-07-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

I've been unemployed for a couple months now and I haven't really been worried about it.
At first I was pretty stressed about finding another job and such - but I'm past that now. I have been doing projects with mom and sister, traveling places, visiting friends, playing with the nephews, and just all around not seriously searching for a job.
I have decided that I should probably start doing that though. I want to move to a new place - Knoxville just isn't where I want to settle down. I guess I'd best start researching again as to where would suit me best to live.
I'd rather accept reality and get a head start on things than get bit in the butt and regret all the playtime I had and procrastinated.
Here's to no more procrastinating and starting to find the next adventure in life.

Religion

2009-07-28T19:45:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know - I'm what is popularly known as a 'Mormon.'
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

The other day I was out with some friends who have different beliefs in life than I do and we started having a small discussion about religion. It was pretty interesting to hear what they had to say. We all definitely agreed on the fact that throwing your religion is someone's face is not helping you convert them to it. It's really doing just the opposite. But by just living a good life and doing what you believe - that's the best thing.

I then thought about past friends and discussions on religion. And I've definitely realized that it's easier to follow my beliefs and the follow what I believe is right/wrong when I'm around those who believe differently than me. They know my reasons and they respect them and that's the end of it.

It's the friends that also "believe" the same things as me, but act and do differently than what they've been taught and/or what they believe is the right thing. As an example I can say, "No thanks. I don't drink. It's against my religion." But then having those "jack-mormons" there, they just laugh and don't care. It's their religion too and they are drinking anyway. So then it's easier to succumb to things because they believe it, but they are doing against it.

Having friends of other faiths makes me feel as though I need to be an example. I need to actually act and live what I believe is right so that I can show them what I believe. I can't claim to be a 'Mormon' and then do things contradictory to the beliefs because that shows a terrible example. It wouldn't be living my religion at all - so how can I possibly claim that religion if I'm not living any of it's teachings?

So - here's to everyone I know and meet that either are or are not of the LDS (Latter-Day Saint)faith: I am a member of the 'Mormon' church and I'm going to try to show that through my actions. I would hate to have anyone meet me and then be completely surprised that I'm 'Mormon.' I am not perfect and I have a lot of things to change, but I am working on it and will try to be better.

The Joys of Summer

2009-07-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

Aw... the nice sunshine.
Relaxing out by the pool, surrounded by pretty and brightly colored flowers - reading a book while the kids splash in the pool. The occassional splash reaching outside the pool to cool me off just in time to keep me outside without having to submerge myself beneath the cool water.
The mornings of having a delicious breakfast (or somedays more of a brunch) on the porch while again enjoying the beautiful flowers, nice sunshine and distant sound of birds.
The wonderful picnics at the park with tasty watermelon and sandwiches.
The nites of seeing the stars and fantastic lightning bugs flashing off and on among the trees and bushes.
The weekends of camping, the days of sunshine, the months of vacations, and the relaxation of not having to get up early or go to work.
Oh - the joys of summer.

Car ride with a bug

2009-07-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

On the way to the park - I could've sworn a big bug flew in the open window. But I couldn't see it on the floor while driving. And it was quickly forgotten once we got to our destination.
While driving back home - I heard it. And then I saw it walk across the floor of the passenger side, fix it's wings, and then fly out the window again.
It was as though he flew in haphazardly, layed on the ground (whether napping or unconscious) for awhile, and then left again. It was a safe and clean place for him to hang out for a bit. Strange.

But then it reminded me of the part of "You've Got Mail" when Kathleen Kelly says: "Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake - as almost all hats are.”
And I decided that the beetle/bug/thing was just hitching a ride because he was too lazy (or maybe tired) to go all that way alone.

Slacker in the posting...

2009-07-14T18:31:00.001-07:00

This is my 201st post - I believe.

I used to do posts much more often - not very entertaining ones, but at least it was something I suppose.
But lately - I haven't felt much of doing that. I don't feel like I have anything to say. At least not anything to post publicly (haha).
So I suppose after getting to 200 posts on this blog... it may start to slow down quite a bit. Sad really. I was hoping to do so many more. Perhaps I will do better as things start to pick up.
My days consist of attempting a 'to-do' list that will probably never get done (mostly research and long-term projects). And also an attempt at entertaining two little boys (which is GREAT birth control, if I haven't mentioned that before). And other than that... not a whole lot.
I've become a home-body. I don't go out much. I like to stay in bed and somedays I really have a hard time getting up in the morning. No serious reason to, so why not stay comfy in the blankets? But I always do - at some point, usually around 9:30 when the little rascals show up.
I guess I have a few things in the works for entertainment soon... and then perhaps I'll tell you all about it. Until then - go read a good book instead (that's what I do a lot of).

Time with my boys

2009-06-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

I suggested last week - out of nowhere - to take my nephews to Raleigh for a few days.

What was I thinking?!?!?

It turned out to be a lot of fun. We hit the road Thursday morning and it was a pretty good ride there.

Schedule as follows (nothing really planned):

Kids museum - pretty fun, hands on playing. We got to play on stage, grocery shop, play in the water, pretend we were in the ocean, dressed up as pirates, played in 'peas and carrots', played hockey and all kinds of stuff.

Then we had dinner, went to the park, and rented a couple movies. We watched one and didn't go to sleep until after. (Way too late.)

Friday: Beach time!! Stayed there for about 5 hours and played in the waves, sand, and had a great time with friends. On the way back, we took our ninja-army friend to get his car and got to see some cool military trucks. A tank, a missile launcher and a truck.

Pizza for dinner, played with the ninja-friend, and then watched a movie. (Again up way too late.)

Saturday: We actually slept in a little bit, which was great! Then we played around and made a mess, while packing kind of got done. We even learned some cool ninja tricks!!

Then off to the Natural History Museum, McDonald's, and back on the road.

It was a fun trip. I definitely learned that I would not want to be a single mother. I never would've been able to take them out into the waves and jump them with both children clinging to me. So thanks to the friends who came and helped!!

I also learned that children do things on their own time schedule, and don't understand the meaning of hurry. But I also learned that I love my nephews so much and having children of my own will only be that much better.... one day. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy any nieces and nephews I get!

Sometimes the grass is greener...

2009-06-02T15:08:00.001-07:00

and sometimes it's just spray paint.

I try not to post blogs when I'm emotional, stressed, or have a lot on my mind because then it tends to come out in the post and is out there for all to see. And most of the time it's not something the world should know.

But recently I was let go from my job. Friday -29th- was my last day. I was with the company for 3+ years, which is the most I've ever worked for a company. It was great and I loved working with them. I actually stayed with the job for so long because I liked the company and how things were. Even though it's strange not having a job, and the job hunt isn't what I want to be doing, I am glad that I've been put into a situation where I have to make choices and changes.

Now decision making isn't my best ability - it actually scares the crap out of me - but this non-employment is actually forcing me to figure out the next step. And while I'm trying to figure out what that is, I've been looking at all options.
I'm young, I'm single, and I've got experience with things that could land me a good job. Or I could go back to school. Or I could do both. I could go anywhere and do anything. That's the hard part.

So now I have to decide if it's the grass I have here that I want, or the grass over there that I want.....?

Advice that goes with everything

2009-05-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

I was talking to some friends the other nite - and they were giving me advice. They said it's the only thing they could suggest and it may not be something I'd want to hear. But the funny thing is - I would've said the same thing if someone had been talking to me about it.
Sometimes the only advice that can be given is something you already know, but need to hear it from someone else. And sometimes it's not the things you want to hear, but need to hear it anyway.
Honestly - this advice could be used for any and almost all things in life. Whether it's deciding the job, where to live, who to marry, what to do - all you need to remember to do is:

Pray
Fast
Read scriptures
Get a blessing

And then eventually you should get an answer. Or something.

Another amazingly good suggestion is to have a pros and cons list, qualifications list, wants vs needs list or any other list that compares the things you are conflicted about.
So right now I need to work on my pros/cons list. I have a qualification list, that will only get longer. But for the current dilemma, it's definitely a pros and cons needed kind of list.
The hardest part about it is staying unbiased and realistic. I tend to bring in the silly things that aren't needed or are unnecessary when I'm writing pros and cons. I need to remember the important stuff - the stuff that truly matters.
And I'm off to list and compare my life away...

Water is Life

2009-05-26T10:18:00.001-07:00

For some reason there's something about the waves, the sand, the sun, and the smell of that island sunscreen that just makes me happy. It makes me smile and relax.

I have always wanted to live on the beach. I love that I live close enough to take a day trip. I wouldn't mind living closer, but it tends to get pricey on living situations.

This weekend I also realized that I enjoy lakes as well. I wasn't at a lake, but I thought about times I was. I like being able to swim, dive, and be in the calm water playing around. Lakes usually have trees and other pretty surroundings. It's easier to swim and dive in a lake.

But oceans are exciting. They have more to offer, you always have to be ready for the next wave, and it's beautiful!

The question is: Do I live near the beach, or near the lakes? Which one do I like more?

(I really need to try smiling more in pictures.)

One Week Ago

2009-05-21T05:25:00.001-07:00

Sometimes weeks go by without much changing or happening. Then there are those weeks that seem as though they'll never end. And there are other weeks that seem like 2-3 weeks in one.

This picture was taken exactly one week ago tonite.

This has been one of those weeks.

Part of it was because of the weekend and all the craziness that went on.

Part of it was because of this week and all the craziness that went on.

And part of it is just because you never know what's going to happen.

Expect the worse is a good thing to live by - then when the worst doesn't happen, you are that much happier about things.

Things are going to change. It's inevitable. But I like to be in control of that change. When I'm not, I tend to lose control of everything.

First one things changes - and I can handle that.

Then another thing changes - okay...

Then things change that are much more drastic and much closer to home - now what do I do?

I can't just hold my breath and hope for it to go away. I can't just forget about it and it will have never happened. I can't just smile and make it disappear. I have to face it, deal with it, and figure out a solution.

DANG!

Along with a solution comes some decision making I must do.... Man!!

And to think that last week I didn't quite have this kind of solution/decision to deal with - can we go back to last week??

The Color Green

2009-05-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

I have recently decided that I really like the color green. It's the color of many things - and it's a great color.
For instance - I was driving the other day and realized that all the trees and grass were becoming a beautiful green again. And not the same color green, but a variety of greens that all blended so nicely together.
Or how about the color of eyes. I have seen some amazing green eyes. Some have a little bit of blue - but the green is just so pretty.
There's green in candy, money, dirty water, clothes, jewels, etc. And although there are very many shades of green, I like them. I don't like some of them as much as others (not a huge fan of sage, unless with a pretty accent color).
I don't like to choose favorites of anything - I would end up changing my mind anyway. But I would have to say that green is one of the more liked than other colors.

Recklessness

2009-05-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

I want to be reckless.
Rash, heedless, incautious, negligent, imprudent.

I want to just take off and not think about it.
I would love to just quit, take some time off, visit friends, play with my family, and then find another job.
I want to just do something on a whim instead of thinking, analyzing, and over-thinking it again.
I want to make a decision that will change everything about my life - but not be so overly worried about whether it's good or bad.

I want to just do whatever comes to mind. Do whatever I feel like doing. Go wherever I feel like going.
Why does money have to be a factor in it? I know people that don't even think about it. They just live life and even though they are broke, they don't think about that and still do whatever/whenever they want. How can they? I don't have much debt - car, recent wisdom teeth removal, and that's pretty much it. So what am I so worried about?? I guess I just don't want to get in over my head....

Although sometimes it would be SO nice to not even think about it and just act, do, play and live with a bit of irrational, reckless behavior.

You know you have a boring job when . . .

2009-05-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

You blog at least one post per day (sometimes more).
You are logged onto facebook all day, hoping someone fun will get online to talk to.
You check and re-check your e-mail, hoping for something.
You go through blogs of every person you know, looking for an update.
You search random pictures online to put on your post.
You text stupid conversations, just to have someone to talk to.
You are almost counting the minutes until your day is over.
You almost start talking to yourself.
You think up choreography to the songs you listen to.
You don't really have anything to do, so you re-organize everything - again.
You dream of anything, everything else to do besides sit at your desk.
You relook at all your pictures online.
You look at apartments in major cities - just for the heck of it.
You wander around outside for a bit, only to come back in and still have nothing to do.

My job used to be busy and exciting. What happened? Oh - that's right, the Economy apparently sucks right now. BLAH!

NOT a big deal

2009-05-12T12:13:00.001-07:00

Even the smallest decisions I have a tough time making. And I know it won't matter in the long run. And I know it's not a big deal at all.
Yet I still feel like my head is going to explode trying to decide.

Do I go, or not?
Will it be worth it?
I have other things to do with my time, do I do those, or this?
Will it be appreciated?
Does it matter if it's appreciated?
Do I want to do that, or the other thing?
Do I want to go there, or there?
What about while there?
What if it's not worth it?
What if it doesn't work out?

What the . . . . !!?!?? Who cares. Just do whatever.... But what of the "whatever" do I choose? Omigosh.... Can someone please just make my decisions for me?? I try, but for some reason just can't do it... And then when I hint to other people to make a decision, they just don't help me out!
GAH!!

Generous Donation

2009-05-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

As you can see in the picture to the right - I had long hair.
Yes - had - meaning the past tense version of possession.
My hair was long, brunette, with a little bit of caramel highlights. It was easy, fun, and the longest it's been in years. It was thick, heavy, and there was definitely a lot of it.
I've always had fairly thick hair and even when it's short - there's a lot of it. But I love my hair. I usually always do.
This past weekend I went home. And usually when I'm home I get my hair colored. I just wanted some more highlights, more blondes in it. But for some reason - this time just didn't work out quite so well. There was highlights, but the blonde only worked really well on my roots - whereas the rest was more copper/gold color. Not really what I was looking for.
And on top of that, my hair felt so nappy and gross on the bottom 2-3 inches. I know it was really because I had just finished coloring it. But I decided to get it cut anyway. More of a trim really.
I looked up some idea, past hair cuts of my own, etc. We went to the hair cutting place (I don't go expensive) and looked at more ideas. I decided I wanted something shoulder length with layers. I sat down in the chair and the girl started talking about how long it was. And that really if we cut another inch off the length, it would be long enough to donate. And then we'd have to cut a little bit more off to make it all look good.
I thought - shoot! Only another inch? Okay - sure.
I'm still wondering if that was a mistake.
My hair is gone. My hair is blond-ish (which is fine). My hair is SHORT. I miss it.... And I wonder what possessed me to do such a thing.
Yes - it's just hair. But I was really liking my hair that long. And oh - it was long. Sad day....
But I guess I do have to admit that I am grateful to have hair and to have the ability to grow my hair out again. So - with that said, BRING ON THE VITAMINS! (They help hair grow faster, right!?!?)
(Clarification: I've had my hair this short before - it's just that the layers are a bit - maybe a lot - too short. If the back layers were longer, then I think it would not be so bad.)

Better Surveillance

2009-05-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if you can tell, but this sign says:

"WARNING - This area under 24-hour surveillance.

Vandalism/Graffiti is against the law
Violators subject to imprisonment"

Not sure if you noticed, but the ENTIRE brick wall behind it is covered in Graffiti. Either some people are really sneaky, or the 24-hr surveillance needs to be better.

This was taken at the Lover's Leap Wayside in Virginia along 58. I pass it everytime I go from Danville to Knoxville.

Really - who cares if people spraypaint the wall? Just don't let them litter and destroy the nature part of it all.

Face-to-Face

2009-05-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

I've decided that there are some country songs that have a point and purpose to them - a message perhaps.

Garth Brooks has a song called 'Face-to-Face' that I've always liked, but I don't really know why. And while listening to it yesterday I decided that it's all about coming face to face with your demons, the things you are afraid of, the things that make you want to run away in fear. But you can't run or hide from them - you have to face them.
And well.... as we all know - I definitely have some fears. I have things that I need to face head on. But I don't even know where to begin. It's all about decisions and making them... and I just have the hardest time with it. Right now I'm debating a few different options in my life - anyone one of which could be wrong, but they'd all bring about a drastic change. And I really need to just suck it up and make a freakin' decision. Face that fear. Tell myself that "I can grab a bull's balls" (watch 'Never Been Kissed' and you'll understand).

There's another song that I've always liked called "Suds in the Bucket" by Sarah Evans.
This song really just makes me want to drop everything and disappear. Write a note that says "Sorry, but I've got to go." It just gives me the desire to 'just up and run' and run away with life - I'd run away with a guy, if I had the option... ha!

Dove Promise of the day: The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

2 years

2009-05-07T05:48:00.000-07:00

I have lived in Raleigh, North Carolina for two years as of this week. I believe it was actually today - May 7th - that I officially started moving into my first apartment. And as much as things have changed and the times I have moved - it doesn't feel like it's been two years.... TWO YEARS!

Sheesh.

In the past two years I have:

Lived in apt 272, 306, and A.
Been to Utah/Idaho at least 3 times.
I've been to a Wrangler Guest Ranch in Colorado (first time to Colorado).
I have been to King's Dominion about 2-3 times.
I have been white water rafting.
Colored my hair multiple times!
I have gone to the beach a few (ok - a lot of) times.
I have gone through 2 or 3 digital cameras.
I went on a weekend snowboarding trip.
I had my car break down and I was stuck in a city overnite.
I went to my first real concert - even if it was only on the lawn for Toby Keith.
I went to DC - a couple times.
I had a dog for about two weeks.
I went to Disneyworld - TWICE.
I have lived by myself, with a stranger, and with best friends.
I have bowled more times in 6 months than I have my whole life - I even had a 'bowling shirt' I would wear.
I have probably had more slumber parties than I did when I was a kid.
I drove across the country - spontaneously - with friends.
I have been places and done things I've never done before.
I saw friends marry, have babies, etc.
I have met so, so many new people - some of which have changed my life quite drastically.
I have grown up, changed, and had a lot of fun.

I have had a lot of first times for a lot of things. I have done some crazy things, had crazy adventures, but have had the time of my life!! I wish it could always be exciting, adventurous and wonderful. And sometimes I forget all the fun I've had, until I look back over the year and realize - it's been pretty busy. I need to make this year even better....
There's so many things that have happened and things I have done the past two years, but it just seems like it will never be enough. And I suppose that's okay... I'll always want to do and experience more - and that's what it's all about.

Camera Ready

2009-05-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

I almost always have my camera with me, but not necessarily in hand.

But I think I should always have it available and handy while I'm driving. Not only would I have been able to capture a picture of the stow-away, but I would've also got the deer on camera that crossed the road in front of me this morning. It was really nice.

But having my camera with me at all times allowed me to take a picture of the view out my office window yesterday.... Yes there are bars on the window - but we work in the ghetto. Ha-ha.

Looked like we were underwater there was so much rain pouring down.

I love storms. I love rain. I really love warm rain. I want to play it in more often. But lately it's been a bit chilly.

I did however go to the driving range last Friday - and it rained. We kept getting under shelter, until we were wet and we decided to just continue playing in the rain.... Oh - I love RAIN!!!

Stowaway

2009-05-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Very rarely do I have to wait for the train near my house while it goes by. But I was lucky this time that I did.

So I pulled up to the guards and stopped. Along comes the train.

And with it - a passenger.

He threw up the peace sign - a big grin - and was on his way again.

I smiled and waved.

He was wearing a 'wife-beater' and an island-ish looking beanie hat. He was definitely not a worker. I have always heard about people getting a 'free' ride on the train from place to place - but I have never actually seen anyone. That was GREAT!! Just made me laugh that I got to actually see someone in the act.

That almost makes me want to become a vagabond and hitch a ride on the next train to wherever.... It's a thought.