Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Distancing Emotionally

There's this one guy that I've been spending time with that I feel as though I'm definitely on the back-burner. Which is fine. Let me explain....

He and I met through a friend. And one of the conversations from the very first times hanging out was that he was single and living life. He was going to date, make-out, and whatever with no commitments. That's terrific. I said he should totally go for it. I had no intention of me being one of the girls which he was 'friends' with. I wanted to be, but didn't think I'd be given that opportunity.
Lo and behold - I was. Not long after the conversation either. So... we spend a LOT of time together. And I really started to like him. A LOT. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. He's a terrific guy and there's so many wonderful qualities about him and things that I would love in a guy I am dating. Problem is, we are not dating. Nor is there any intention to do so at any point in time.

Now - the reason I feel so much like the back-burning pot is because he goes out with a lot of other girls. That's fine. It was agreed that he would. He tells me about it, some of the time. But it's as though he takes them out to do all these terrific things and treats them like princesses. But with me, we just go dancing (club dancing, so not even romantic) and kick it at my place. He takes these other girls to the shooting range, play dodge-ball, to watch a dancing competition, to dinner, etc. I don't get that opportunity. And yes, we spend time together, but it's just not the same. I wish it was the same and I wish I was being taken out and treated like a princess. But I guess I just don't get that luxury. Why not??

Lately I've become very social. This past month has felt like such a LONG time. He and I only started spending so much time together starting the first Sunday in January, but we've already gotten pretty close. I've been spending a lot of time with OTHER people for the past week or so. Which has slowly helped me not be so absorbed with thoughts of him. I have met other people, I have made other plans, I have actually even kissed another guy. I never had any intention of doing so, but since he is kissing other girls, why not me too? It will actually help me not feel as used because I'm doing exactly what he's doing and neither of us feel bad about it.

Within the past week or so, I've made new friends. I've met a guy, recently returned from his mission - so a bit young, that really seems to be interested in me. Even if it's just because I'm a huge flirt, I'm okay with that. I enjoy flirting with the best of them and the two of us have a good time. Now - he really does seem interested in spending more time with me. So that's one person to take my mind off the back-burner-feeling guy.

Then, there's another guy that's recently broken up with a girlfriend. Well, i'm not sure how recent, but he is now single. He has been slowly talking to me more and more. Yesterday we were e-mailing back and forth all afternoon and then IM messaging in the evening. It was pretty entertaining. I enjoyed the conversations. He seems to be at least partially interested. And we have at least one date we'll be going on. Whether or not that blossoms into more dates and time spent with each other, we shall see... But that's boy #2 to take my mind off of back-burner-feeling guy.

And then there are the guys that are just fun to spend time with. They were fun BEFORE the back-burner-feeling guy, and they are still friends now. So they will at least be ones to spend time with, flirt with, and give me something to do outside of my house when I need to get out.

Back-burner-feeling guy is still wonderful. And I do enjoy spending time with him. The problem is, when we spend time together, it's great! I feel like he cares and he's interested and he wants/likes to spend time with me. But then I hear or see him out with other girls and I get bummed again.

I've recently written a whole entry on this exact topic. I'll spare you the actual entry, but basically it says that I will enjoy the time I have with him and live it up. There are other guys, friends, and things to do with my life. I don't need to spend so much emotional energy or personal time thinking or wondering about him anyway. I need to just have fun, enjoy the time and experiences I have with him, and not worry about the rest. I need to just breathe when I start to feel like I'm getting jealous or anything else. And I need to spend time with other people.

So that's what I am working on. Spending time with other people, enjoying the time I am given, and distancing myself emotionally by doing all of that. It's terrific and I really think it will work. It will take time to get over any jealousy or longing, but it will work and it will happen. I'm looking forward to those days....


Alice Wills Gold said...

WOW - you really have taken this putting yourself out there to a whole new level, huh?

I laughed. I hope that is what you intended for me to do.

I think you should write all the men off and go on a mission like I did...nothing like a mission to cure your boy craziness!

Ader Family said...

That's what I use blogs for... to say things I am thinking about, but not having to yack someone's ear off about it.

Glad you can laugh. That's perfectly fine with me!

And mission - I don't know... I like boys too much. HaHa!

Rellibell said...

You know, I recently discovered "back-burner-guy" is afraid of being alone. Think about it. It adds up. Congrats on the guy #2 helping you to move on. "we're just friends" :-P