Tuesday, October 23, 2007

There's no place like home . . . there's no place like home . . .

I don't really see my family or the homes that we've lived in as anything traditional. But I do feel like home when I am there.

I no longer live at home. I was lucky enough to have my own apartment for awhile. It was quite different - especially because at home there was ALWAYS someone around. You never had the place to yourself. So adjusting to having an apartment to myself was very unusual but I came to enjoy it very much. I had my routine (or non-routine) and I had my space. I could walk around naked if I wanted (although I never did). And it was starting to feel like home. Like my place. Where I could be myself and do whatever I wanted and not have to worry about anyone/anything disturbing me, bothering my things, getting in my stuff, etc.

But now I have the 'fortunate' opportunity of having a room-mate. It has been quite an interesting situation. I have a one bedroom apartment, because it was just to be me. And I can't get out of the lease so she moved into not only my apartment, but my bedroom as well. Now that is a huge adjustment. I have not had a ROOM mate since I shared a room with Kristie, which has obviously been quite a few years!!

One thing about my room-mate is that she is lazy. She has a true receptionist job. She answers phone calls, returns calls, sets up appointments. It doesn't really sound like too much responsibility. Especially because most of the time she is chit-chatting online with people and looking up dessert recipes. Then she comes home and enjoys 'relaxing' even though she didn't have a physically demanding day. She'll watch a movie or two every nite. And she eats quite a bit. And it pretty much makes me sick. But instead of going off on that tangent (since I could do so for quite a while . . . ). . . .

I just have notice that I don't feel at home. Although I am in my apartment and this is supposed to be my home, it's not. I have to share it and it just doesn't feel like home. I miss home sometimes. But mainly on nite when I want to be alone. I want to have people around, but not necessarily all up in my business and bothering me. And I don't want to feel obligated to ask how someone's day went and listen to them talk for hours about nothing I care to ever hear about. She retells every conversation she has with co-workers. Like I even care . . . . sorry, another tangent.

Anyway - I was in the bathroom earlier this evening, brushing my teeth and realized that I just don't feel like I'm home. I don't feel like this is my place. And although it is temporary, it feels extremely temporary. It has felt this way ever since she moved in. Just because I am not going to be in this situation for long and I honestly can't wait to get out of it. Where-as when I first moved in I was enjoying it and had no problems and almost would've loved to stay in this place. But now . . . it's temporary and it feels extremely like that. I guess it's not a bad thing, but it is definitely odd and makes for long days.

I hope that I can at least come to terms with my issues and annoyances with certain peoples. I just need to learn to be patient I suppose . . . but somedays I feel like I'm going to bust because I almost feel fake and where I live does not feel like my place. Does not feel like my space, my domain, my anything . . .

Hopefully one day I will have another place I can have feel like home other than with my family. . . maybe with a family I will make of my own one day . . . maybe . . .

Thursday, October 18, 2007

forgotten art

Usually one would say it's a lost art. But it's not LOST - it's just forgotten by most and many of those I associate with. It's such a sad thing. Such a hopeless thought. But perhaps one day they will all remember it again and give hope to not only me, but to many others in the same single situation I am.

Wednesday nite I received a phone call, and although my room-mate answered it, it was I that was asked out for a date on Friday nite. I am unable to go of course because I am going out of town. There were two male creatures at my apartment at the time of the phone call. So their response - instead of being the, "Wow, you got asked out. That's awesome. Guess I should've done that sometime" - their response was more like, "Wait, YOU just got asked out on a DATE?!?!" "A DATE; YOU? Really!?!??" "Someone called YOU and asked you on a DATE!??!?"

If a girl didn't know better she would be insulted by the surprise that was etched on their face and the complete disbelief in their voices. Why would I NOT be asked on a date? Do I have some kind of disease? Am I THAT ugly? Am I that hard and unenjoyable to spend time with? Am I that undesirable?

Of course not. It's just the fact that they didn't know other males still did such rituals. They didn't realize that most girls enjoy the attention and the effort behind such a simple phone call and activity. They have forgotten that in order to find their 'mate', they need to make an effort. They need to call. They need to take her out and swoon her, get to know her, show they care about her. What a thought . . .

Strange enough - I received another phone call last nite as well. This guy invited me out for Friday or Saturday nite. As I got off the phone (and it was most apparent that he was nervous just to call), I was bombarded again. "Wow - ANOTHER date? Really?!?!" That wasn't as much of a suprise. That was more of a statement of being impressed that I had a possible two dates in one weekend. Maybe I shouldn't be going out of town . . .

Irregardless of whether or not I am interested in the males that ask me out, irregardless of what they plan to do on the date, irregardless of what others say - it's still enjoyable to realize that someone wants to spend time with me, by myself, and wants to get to know me. Not just 'hanging out' in a group, not just 'kickin' it with peoples', not just 'going out' but calling and asking for a real, true date. That's something that should buoy up any girls' spirits.

Now - it just so happens that I've decided to move . . . to the other side of the country. And just as I've made that decision and am forcing myself to stick with it (I'm REALLY bad at continually changing my mind), I am asked on dates, I am noticed. But I suppose that's alright. I suppose that while I'm in the area I will just have as much fun as possible and enjoy what I can.

Please - those of you who read and are single - don't get saddened or lose hope of the wonderful art of dating. And please don't forget what it means to others, what it means for yourself, what fun it can be. Don't forget the wonderful - yet forgotten art - of Dating . . . .

Saturday, October 6, 2007


Apparently there's this disease that runs rampant with people in their early to mid twenties. There are some that don't catch it until later, but it's eventually caught.

the disease is marriage.

i'm sure it's a fantastic disease. i was pretty against ever, i mean EVER, contracting the disease. but now - i have the symptoms, but no one to share the disease with - sadly.

apparently most of my friends have contracted the disease though. all those that i have been friends with for YEARS are now married, or soon to be married. . . . maybe one day i will be so lucky.

although if not, then that's okay too. . .

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


I haven't told you anything about what I'm doing - other than speeding everywhere I go.

I live in Raleigh, NC. I am working for a construction company as the Office Manager onsite. I've worked for this company since November of 2005. I started in their corporate office in Knoxville, TN (where my parents now reside). I switched positions and the type of work I was doing a couple of times. I was originally hired on just to be an assistant. They then made me an Operations Assistant - which is someone who works directly with the project and construction managers. I was the guinea pig for the position. They then moved me to an Accounts Receivables Assistant (sort of promotion). I was not really fond of that kind of work. I asked if they would be willing to let me work in the field as an assistant (one of the project managers already had one). I had decided that if they didn't, I was going to move or find another job, but I didn't tell them that.
They agreed and the project manager in the Carolinas decided he wanted me to work for him. I had worked with him when I was the OA and he thought I would do a great job. So I relocated to Raleigh. I've been working onsite since May of 2007. I really like it, but I am also thinking that I need to move on with my life.
This job I could stay with for a LONG time. But it's not something I want to do with the rest of my life. So I'm thinking about and taking steps towards going back to school. How soon that will happen and how soon I can get done with school is the next question. :)

But I must be off. . . I had just remembered this morning on my drive to work (don't ask why I was thinking about my blog because I have NO idea) that I hadn't even told anyone what I was up to . . .

Until next time....

Monday, October 1, 2007

Oh yeah

I forgot to update everyone . . . .

Court went fine. I could've taken an 8 hour class, paid a fee and not gotten the ticket on my record. But since I would've had to travel again to take the class, and it would've taken an entire weekend, I was silly enough to just pay the fine. The DA lowered my speed to 80/70 instead of 90/70 so my fine was only $135 (or something like that) which is actually lower than the ticket I got for going only 15 over the speed limit. Funny how that works, huh?

As for everything else - it's going well. I'm still debating on schools, but if I get the acceptance letter and it feels right, then that's where I'll be going. :) Otherwise, I will be sticking it out here in Raleigh for awhile longer and take correspondence/online courses. Which wouldn't be bad at all. I enjoy my job, make decent money, and it's GORGEOUS here. Not including the fact that there are a few hotties in my single's ward.

Strangely enough - I'm looking forward to General Conference this weekend. I never used to really care much about it. But the past couple of times, I've enjoyed it. And I'm really looking forward to this session because a lot of things have changed since the session in the spring. And changed for the better. And I get to spend a few extra days with the family too, so that helps. :)