Friday, August 22, 2008

Protest - Stand up for Yourself

On my drive to and from work, I pass some sort of prison facility. I'd seen it, but I'd never thought about what it was, until recently.
Driving home from work I saw a few people with picket signs outside that parking lot. As I read them, I realized they were protesting the death penalty.
"Interesting" was my first thought.
My other thought was wondering why they had decided that day to protest, as opposed to other days . . . ? Was it because there was supposed to be an execution? Was it because they had someone they knew personally that was being tried for just such a judgement? Or was it simply because it was the day that worked for everyone's schedules?
My other thought was, "How do I feel about that?" And I realized that I should have an opinion on such matters. I should be taking political, moral and ethical issues more seriously. I don't watch the news. I don't know what the political candidates are all about. I don't know what their soapbox is about. I don't know what they're claiming to do when/if they take office. I pretty much stay out of such things.
I am registered to vote now, thanks to encouragement from a friend. Although I have much to learn and research to do before I can vote with a firm belief in what I feel is right.
I've heard about people going to protests and making a stand against what they feel is wrong. I've thought that's something that would be fun to experience, but what kind of protest would I be involved in? What do I feel so strongly about that I would join hundreds, possibly thousands of people to make a statement?
I don't even stand up for myself on little matters. I give in to what people want to make them happy. I don't know how to express how I feel or even know what I really want.
I wonder if it would be hard to stand up for something big like the death penalty if I can't even stand up for myself on little matters?
I think it might actually be easier. You aren't getting on a seriously personal level when you are talking about a bigger issue. It's when you start getting into little personal issues that it gets hard and too close for my own comfort.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Mornings are EVIL

I've never been a morning person.
Some mornings I toss and turn for awhile before I finally drag myself out of bed unrested.
Other mornings I am so conked out that I get angry at my alarm for going off.
But regardless of the morning, I hate it.
Okay - not EVERY morning, but if the morning starts with my alarm going off, then I'm sure it's a disaster.
This morning was one of the worst yet. I did not want to get out of bed. My body ached slightly and just wanted to lay there. Yet my stomach was hurting and I felt sick. I wanted desperately to go back to sleep. And I snoozed my alarm so I could for another 20 minutes. But it really didn't help cuz I wasn't feeling good enough to get completely back to sleep.
Yesterday I woke up feeling incredibly sick. I just layed curled in a ball hoping it would go away. Waking up with stomach pains is terrible.
I haven't figured out if it's because my stomach is so empty it's eating itself, or that's my body's way of protesting getting out of bed. But whatever the reason, it doesn't start my day off very well.
The crazy part is, I go to bed at a decent hour most nites. Yet I wake up more tired than when I went to bed the nite before. I think I lose sleep when I sleep. Is that possible?
Dreams are exhausting, crazy and sometimes downright scary. I honestly think my dreams are what keep me from ever feeling rested. A nite's sleep, no thanks. I'd rather just take a nap. I seem to actually feel refreshed when I wake up from those. Although I don't want to wake up from naps, either.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

About Time for a Change

Yes, it's about that time again. I actually think it was long overdue - but I kept putting it off, thinking things would turn out the way I wanted. . .

It's time for a change.

So, first things first.

I dyed my hair last nite. It is now 'Midnight Ruby' which means it's dark and purplish. hehe. Not what I thought it would turn into, but I think I like it.

Next is to get a 2nd job. That's one of my goals for this evening - well, to at least put in/get some applications.

Another change is to become more motivated with work, but that's going to be harder than I think because I'm not quite busy enough yet. It's coming though, I can tell.

A lot of different things have happened within the past week or so. For better or worse, I'll move on and attempt to make my life that much better. I have no idea where to even start because I'm not ready, I didn't want the change, but there was/is nothing I can do about it. So I guess I've got to just make the best of it.

Really - it's probably for the better as those things just added more stress and confusion to my life.
Yet at the same time, I'm pretty sure it was worth the stress and confusion.
Regardless, those things are no longer something I need to think about, as they are not a part of my life.

Change is good. Isn't it? Change can bring about good and bad, but we can help determine what those changes bring. And I think this change will have to bring about good. There are so many things I've wanted to do, and now I'll just be sure to do them.

Friday, August 15, 2008

To-Do Lists

I do not make them because I have so many things to do necessarily.
I make them because I tend to forget even the most important things to do.

I also have shopping lists for that very reason.
Although I tend to leave it on the fridge sometimes, which defeats the purpose of the list.

I have a to-do list for work, so I can remember everything.
And I have a to-do list at home, so I can stay focused.

My list for the weekend:
Mail picture to Grandma (she currently has a hideously, way-too-close picture on display)
Pay bills
Take stuff to storage shed
Clean Bathroom

You get the idea. This list is so I can stay focused and not get sucked into reading. Although I am sure I will be the first one awake for the day and will probably read for a majority of the day. Of which I am very much looking forward to.

Well - I guess I'd better get all those to-do lists done. They are never-ending actually. I tend to re-write them and add more before I finish the first.
And there will always be yet another thing I should/want to get accomplished.

The lists are calling....

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Roach Killer

I will not be taking any pictures of the roaches we've killed thus far, but let's just say there have been a couple of really big, nasty ones.
Our management company should've treated the house before we moved in, but at least they've decided to treat it.
In the mean-time, our living room is our kitchen.
And our craft room.
And our dining room.
And the guest room.
If only I had pictures of all these different roles the living room takes. But here's one of it as our kitchen and craft room. I promise it will never be this messy again!! We just have to get our collage finished before we can put it all away. It will be done soon...
And we don't want to put the kitchen back together until we know for sure all the chemicals are not going to kill us.

"What should we have for dinner?"

"Not sure. Let's scope out the coffee table and see what we've got."

Our living room will always be a multi-use room. We've fed the missionaries in there, watched movies in there, did (still doing) our collage, had our kitchen there, and even had my family all spread out in there for a nite. This is only the beginning of the adventures for our amazing living room.

Who needs Alcohol?

When you can have one of MY drinks??
For some reason I've always enjoyed daiquiries, smoothies and all such 'frozen drinks' (as they are called). But I've never, nor will I ever, put alcohol in mine.
And honestly - I think they taste terrific!!
I even have fancy cups - 3 different sets - and do the fancy pineapple. Or strawberry or other fresh fruit, depending on the flavor of the drink.
Last nite I made a pina colada, with raspberries and added the pineapple on top. It was actually not bad. Although I think I prefer Pina Colada withOUT the raspberries.
My favorite is the Strawberry Daiquiri though. Without a doubt. But I am currently out of that drink mix, so until I get more I will be experimenting with the Hurricane and Pina Colada flavors.
Oh - and none of them ever taste the same. I do something different every time so you will probably never have a frozen drink of mine that tastes like the previous ones. Whether you want to call it a curse or a blessing. Sometimes I wish I could make it like that last one which was so delicious, but then I wouldn't come up with other ones that taste really good as well.
MMMMmmmmm.... I want one now.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Any surfing ideas?

I tend to need distractions from work, life, and everything else there could be.

But while at work, I tend to just check facebook an awful lot. Which tends to get very boring as no one else is doing anything on there.
(Sorry to all those who get stuck with my many bumper stickers I send.)

I really need to broaden my horizons and find other places to look online and other things to do.
Facebook, myspace, reading blogs and checking my e-mail a hundred times a day just doesn't cut it. And the funny thing is, I still get my work done.
So I guess in the long run, I just need to be busier. And I'm sure it will come, it's just slow in coming.

But I really need something else to do - FB is my addiction and it's making my life quite miserable right now.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Buried Treasure

I was lucky enough to have some family come to visit this week. They came in Tuesday, brought a bunch of my decor items, and helped me set it up. Then on Wednesday, we went to the beach.

We even happened to find some amazing buried treasure, too!!

We got to do some wave surfing (as Taison liked to call it), playing in the sand, and getting some rest in the sun.
It was a really fun time. It's too bad that it was the first time this summer that they were able to come. And probably the last, because school starts next week for Taison. 1st grade!!
Perhaps next summer they will be able to visit more. I love the beach, and it's always great spending a day there with family and/or friends. If anyone would like to go, let me know. I'm usually up for a day trip. Or perhaps even a whole weekend trip!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Move Every Year or So

I have moved about every year or just over a year since I graduated high school. I even moved after a short couple months in one place.
But for now I am in Raleigh.
And perhaps that is why I am so antsy. Maybe it's why I feel as though I've got to do something or I'm going to burst. Maybe it's why I've been looking at taking trips and going places.
I guess traveling more would cure my 'moving ever year' habit.
For now I am where I am. And I'll be here at least another year. The joys of a lease.
And in the meantime, I guess I should probably find a way to keep myself ultra busy as I am ready to go crazy.

I have nothing to count-down to.
I have nothing to look forward to.
Life is so uncertain and up in the air.
All I have to expect is more unknowns.

"Bring it on!!" (I say in my false attempt at bravery)

Monday, August 4, 2008

100th Post

I feel as though I should be writing something smart, deep, and thought provoking for my 100th post.
But none of the others have been, so why start now??

My weekend was pretty uneventful. Saturday was slightly more productive than some days, but still so many different projects I want to do and have yet to do them. They were my goals this summer, and obviously I haven't met any of them.
I guess I just get too caught up in every day stuff to let myself get busy with hobbies and projects. But that will soon change.
I've decided I need to keep myself very busy the rest of the year. Maybe that will help my antsy-ness. Start some online classes, work out more, get a 2nd job, and pretty much have to schedule in time to see anybody. That would be good, right?
Although I'm not sure if that will really happen, I think it might be a good idea to do.

Yet again - depending on what happens with work, I may not be able to get a 2nd job. But I have absolutely no idea what's happening with work so I may just get one until things are figured out.
Then again - maybe I should just work hard on the projects and when they are finished, hopefully I'll know the work situation and whether a 2nd job should happen.... hm...
So many unknowns in my life. Makes things hard and extremely confusing. I keep telling myself to not think about it, but honestly that'll never work.
My next best thing - attempt to just be patient and wait to see what happens.

Patience is most definitely one of those virtues I have yet to master.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Too Antsy

I'm not sure why I feel so on edge right now.
I just moved into the new apartment, it's not all cleaned up, decorated or really moved in yet. But it's pretty much there.
Yet I still feel so antsy and unsettled. And I can't figure out why.

I was talking with a friend a few minutes ago and he asked what I was up to this weekend. Sadly - I have nothing. And that really wigs me out. I need to be gone. I need to be doing something besides just organizing and getting things set up in the apartment.

I should be going somewhere. I should be having something going on. There should be something, anything. But there's nothing.

Is this feeling because I've been mainly on the go or had so many different things planned for so long, and now I have nothing??

I'm not convinced that's why. I think it's really because I need to be doing something and having more fun, traveling or doing unusual things.

I'm not sure what this feeling is all about. But I don't like it. And I may have to take a spur-of-the-moment trip to somewhere. But where?? Everyone I want to see is too far away....

What am I to do?