Friday, February 29, 2008

Mr. Backburner

He hates this name that I have dubbed for him, but as explained to him, that's just how I felt at the time so it just stuck....

As stated in my previous post, things have really changed between us. I'll spare you most of the details, but I don't want you to think that he's a terrible guy like I know some of you probably do.

He has started to spend much more time with me (BEFORE he read the post) and we've had good times. He's no longer attracted to nor does he enjoy spending time with the 'other' girls. Oh - he still flirts but that's his personality and I would want it no other way. He still spends time with a girl or two, but I know that there's nothing there. And it's perfectly okay with me. Even if we were dating, it would be fine for him to be with them because I know he wouldn't be doing anything. And that's just the thing - we AREN'T dating. We are just really good friends. I appreciate that. I enjoy having someone around, and we've been talking a lot. That's something I really enjoy, getting to know someone.

Last nite we went to dinner after he got done with class (well, appetizers anyway) and talked about church things. Which is pretty unusual for us, but it was something that I had been thinking about. So I started asking questions and he would answer them. I ask a LOT of questions and of course I always start out by saying, "I have a question." I'm not sure he likes that much.... :-)

Tonite we have a date. He has it all planned out. Originally I asked if I could steal him for the nite and he agreed. Then later in the week he said he was taking over the evening plans. I was completely okay with that. I didn't have anything in mind, I just wanted to spend time with him. I found out this morning - because I asked more questions - that he decided to take over the plans because he had read the previous post about himself. OOPS! I guess that's one way to get a guy to notice... but really not the way I intended. I almost don't want him to do anything special tonite because then he'd be doing it just to prove a point or something. But whatever - it will be a lot of fun and I will enjoy it regardless, I'm sure. I just enjoy spending time with him in general.

I am glad that he is not a possessive type of guy. I'm glad that he and I have a lot of similarities in certain factors. We both like to flirt, we are both pretty social, we both like to do some of the same things and all of that really helps us get along. There are some things that we are very different about, but that's how you make things work and friends get along, right?

I am not counting out anyone in the 'running' for spending time with me. There is a guy, recently moved, that I talked about in the "Distancing Emotionally" post. He and I still talk and he wants to still hang out when he can. So the next time he's in town, not sure when that will be, we are supposed to hang out. And honestly - I am thinking of going there to visit him. It's not like it's far, but if he's on-call for work, then he can't come here. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Besides - I owe him like 3 times over....

Just so you know - Mr. Backburner is no longer going to be known as that. He definitely does NOT treat me that way. What I'll refer to him as.... I don't know. But he's changed and so will his name.

Wish me luck for this weekend. It's going to be amazing fun!!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Completely Opening Up

No - that's not what I am doing in this post. But I have realized that some people have absolutely no problem whatsoever in opening up to others. Whether those people are close to them, new to them, or a complete stranger. Does that mean the person opening up is friendly? Or just likes to talk?

My 'dentist' (a girl in the ward in school to become a dental assistant) has opened up to me about herself and this guy she's been kind of dating. I didn't really ever talk to her before, but I do hope to become friends with her after all of this. But I do not really know the guy she's dating hardly at all either. His name and what he looks like is about all. I absolutely LOVE that she does open up to me. But I find it odd that some people have absolutely no problem doing such things. They don't seem to mind sharing something of themselves and their personal life with others.

I on the other hand - am completely the opposite. I don't usually open up to other people. There are a few select (mom, Kristie, and some things to certain friends) but there aren't very many. And I just would rather NOT open up to people. I do not want them to know me. I don't usually share my dreams, goals, things I want to accomplish with my life. I rarely share how I feel about certain subjects, people, ideas. I just am not one to open up about things. I ask questions about others ALL the time, but I prefer that over opening up.

I have moments when I want to share EVERYTHING with someone. Just let them know me completely. Let them get inside my phsyche (sp) so that at least someone knows me. Someone who is close and cares. Someone who won't leave me. Someone who is willing to accept all those quirks that I have. All those uncertainties and confusion that I seem to bring into everything. Someone who has just as odd of quirks and confusion. Perhaps then together we can get to some semblance of understanding.
Anyway - I don't usually open up to people. I may start to, but it's not likely....

Btw - does anyone else find it odd that one would start to fall asleep while in a dentist's chair?? I do, yet I did it anyway!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I know that this is an internet posting, and it's very open to the public. But sometimes I forget.

Which is part of the reason I wrote the "Emotionally Distancing" blog. I am not used to people reading them, or commenting on them.

I'm not regretting having posting said blog, I just have to remember that it is something that is read by others.

I recently led Mr. Backburner guy to my blog through a round-about way, not realizing he would actually get to my blog and READ it.

I'm pretty glad he read it, actually. Because, although things have changed quite a bit between us (to be explained later), he now knows how I felt previously. He knows what it was like in my shoes more than if I had told him. Because let's be honest, I probably would've NEVER told him.

He apologized profusely for ever having treated me in a way that I would feel such a way. He didn't need to. I know it wasn't intentional, but I'm glad he read the post and that he understands a little bit now.

And if he reads this blog more, then more power to him. If he never reads it again, that's fine too ....

Monday, February 25, 2008

Voluntary, Eager Torture

That's what it is. I tortured myself. Physically beat me up and hurt myself. Put myself in danger and could have possibly had much worse results from it.

I went SNOWBOARDING. It was a lot of fun. And I did MUCH better this time than any other time. But I also got pretty beat up. I seem to fall down quite a bit when I snowboard. And my butt still feels the repercussions of such inadequate talent. The slopes were a tad icy. At one point, I did a butt-hit-head-bounce type of landing. Yeah, that was pretty painful. And I continued to fall going down that time. Although it ended up being my last run. The knee is purple from that one. Haha!

It was a FABULOUS weekend. Regardless of the sore muscles and bruised areas that I now have.

This is me - attempting to pose.

This is my friend Jason - who insisted on taking pictures of me on the slopes. I won't put up all the ones of me on the ground. Haha!

And one more - of me IN MOTION!! It was SO FUN!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Still trying to find YOUR Valentine??

Here are some funny flirting facts... Most of which we probably already know if we've ever flirted before. But perhaps this refresher will help you snag YOUR Valentine for Thursday nite.

10 funny flirting facts
By Laura Schaefer
So you’ve mastered the eye-contact game and can beckon a cute prospect with a few coy glances… but do you really know all there is to know about the fine art of come-hither? Just to make sure you’re up to speed, we culled some very surprising info that you can use to your advantage. Read on for some juicy tidbits that may up your cute quotient in no time.

1. Flirting is good for you. Studies show that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts, which boost their immunity and keep them healthy.

2. Think it ends at a little eye batting? Hardly—all told, scientists say there are 52 “flirting signals” used by humans. Of these, the hair flip is the most common.

3. In some places, flirting is illegal. In Little Rock, AK, an antiquated law is still on the books warning that engaging in playful banter may result in a 30-day jail term. In New York City, another outdated law mandates that men may be fined $25 for gazing lasciviously at a female; a second conviction stipulates the offender wear a pair of blinders whenever he goes out for a walk.

4. Why wait for Happy Hour? Lots of people get their flirt on during their morning commute. A full 62 percent of drivers have flirted with someone in a different vehicle while on the go, and 31 percent of those flirtations, it turns out, resulted in a date.
5. Flirting need not occur face to face. According to Pew Research, 40 percent of people who look for love online say they can easily flirt with someone via email or IM.

6. In the Victorian era, fans were the ultimate playful prop that could communicate all sorts of messages. A fan placed near the heart meant, You have won my love. A half-opened fan pressed to the lips suggested, You may kiss me. Hiding the eyes behind an open fan meant, I love you, while opening and closing the fan several times warned, You are cruel. Given how much a fan could come in handy, it’s a shame they ever invented air conditioning.

7. These days, cell phones do the flirting. In one survey, half of all mobile phone users have texted suggestive messages to keep things interesting while away from their amour.

8. Watch out, you can overdo it. According to the Social Issues Research Centre, the most common mistake people make when flirting is maintaining too much eye contact.

9. Sometimes, flirty gestures aren’t what they seem. Research has shown that men tend to routinely mistake friendly behavior for flirting.

10. Flirting is universal. A woman living in New York City and one in rural Cambodia may not have much in common, but when it comes to attracting a little attention, they both employ the very same move: smiling, arching their eyebrows, then averting their gaze and giggling. Animals flirt, too: Birds, reptiles, and even fish have their own way of strutting their stuff. Moral of the story: If the simple sea bass can act cute to enhance a romantic agenda, you can, too—so give it a go!

I'm getting a few friends together this Thursday, all single, just to have dinner and maybe play some games. We figure there's no reason NOT to get together, just for fun times. So - that's what we're doing.
Hope you either have a permanent Valentine, or can at least get to spend time with some good friends.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Distancing Emotionally

There's this one guy that I've been spending time with that I feel as though I'm definitely on the back-burner. Which is fine. Let me explain....

He and I met through a friend. And one of the conversations from the very first times hanging out was that he was single and living life. He was going to date, make-out, and whatever with no commitments. That's terrific. I said he should totally go for it. I had no intention of me being one of the girls which he was 'friends' with. I wanted to be, but didn't think I'd be given that opportunity.
Lo and behold - I was. Not long after the conversation either. So... we spend a LOT of time together. And I really started to like him. A LOT. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. He's a terrific guy and there's so many wonderful qualities about him and things that I would love in a guy I am dating. Problem is, we are not dating. Nor is there any intention to do so at any point in time.

Now - the reason I feel so much like the back-burning pot is because he goes out with a lot of other girls. That's fine. It was agreed that he would. He tells me about it, some of the time. But it's as though he takes them out to do all these terrific things and treats them like princesses. But with me, we just go dancing (club dancing, so not even romantic) and kick it at my place. He takes these other girls to the shooting range, play dodge-ball, to watch a dancing competition, to dinner, etc. I don't get that opportunity. And yes, we spend time together, but it's just not the same. I wish it was the same and I wish I was being taken out and treated like a princess. But I guess I just don't get that luxury. Why not??

Lately I've become very social. This past month has felt like such a LONG time. He and I only started spending so much time together starting the first Sunday in January, but we've already gotten pretty close. I've been spending a lot of time with OTHER people for the past week or so. Which has slowly helped me not be so absorbed with thoughts of him. I have met other people, I have made other plans, I have actually even kissed another guy. I never had any intention of doing so, but since he is kissing other girls, why not me too? It will actually help me not feel as used because I'm doing exactly what he's doing and neither of us feel bad about it.

Within the past week or so, I've made new friends. I've met a guy, recently returned from his mission - so a bit young, that really seems to be interested in me. Even if it's just because I'm a huge flirt, I'm okay with that. I enjoy flirting with the best of them and the two of us have a good time. Now - he really does seem interested in spending more time with me. So that's one person to take my mind off the back-burner-feeling guy.

Then, there's another guy that's recently broken up with a girlfriend. Well, i'm not sure how recent, but he is now single. He has been slowly talking to me more and more. Yesterday we were e-mailing back and forth all afternoon and then IM messaging in the evening. It was pretty entertaining. I enjoyed the conversations. He seems to be at least partially interested. And we have at least one date we'll be going on. Whether or not that blossoms into more dates and time spent with each other, we shall see... But that's boy #2 to take my mind off of back-burner-feeling guy.

And then there are the guys that are just fun to spend time with. They were fun BEFORE the back-burner-feeling guy, and they are still friends now. So they will at least be ones to spend time with, flirt with, and give me something to do outside of my house when I need to get out.

Back-burner-feeling guy is still wonderful. And I do enjoy spending time with him. The problem is, when we spend time together, it's great! I feel like he cares and he's interested and he wants/likes to spend time with me. But then I hear or see him out with other girls and I get bummed again.

I've recently written a whole entry on this exact topic. I'll spare you the actual entry, but basically it says that I will enjoy the time I have with him and live it up. There are other guys, friends, and things to do with my life. I don't need to spend so much emotional energy or personal time thinking or wondering about him anyway. I need to just have fun, enjoy the time and experiences I have with him, and not worry about the rest. I need to just breathe when I start to feel like I'm getting jealous or anything else. And I need to spend time with other people.

So that's what I am working on. Spending time with other people, enjoying the time I am given, and distancing myself emotionally by doing all of that. It's terrific and I really think it will work. It will take time to get over any jealousy or longing, but it will work and it will happen. I'm looking forward to those days....

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

GORGEOUS weather

Maybe it's just been cold for so long but today's weather feels absolutely GORGEOUS out.
I even drove with my windows down at lunch.

It's days like today that I want a convertible, or at the very least a sunroof!

But I won't be getting a new car anytime soon, regardless of tax returns and year end bonuses.

It's also this kind of weather that starts to get me twitterpated or antsy or something. I want to go to the beach, go work out, go create something. Do more than just sit in the office . . . I love my job, but right now it's slow, so it's not as much fun . . . oh well, things will pick up really soon I'm sure.

Anyway - the weather is GORGEOUS and I think it's great to have spring weather. I can't wait for it to get a bit warmer in a more consistent way, and then have it stay that way for awhile...

The Abhorred V-Day

It's almost like D-Day to some single people. I've never understood how they could detest the day so much. It's just another day to me.

Although I can't say that I HAVEN'T wanted romance in my life. Because yes, it's true, I have.

But I also have never had such romance and have never had a Valentine, never been taken out for the supposed most romantic day of the year. Is that why I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything? Is that why I don't mind not being with someone again this year?

I'm not sure why I don't feel unloved at the thought of NOT having a Valentine. I don't feel an extra pang of single awareness. I enjoy seeing all the nice Valentine decorations. I enjoy sending Valentine cards and wishes to everyone. I would buy all my girls flowers if I could afford such things.

I would love to make everyone's Valentine's Day a wonderful day. A day that they don't feel alone, a day where it's just another day, or a day where they do feel loved and know that they have a Valentine.

It's not possible to do that, but I hope I can at least bring a smile to their faces.... !!

And chins up to all you single people. Valentine's Day is not a day just for those who are 'in love'. Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate wherever you are in love, in life, in happiness. And if you are with someone, love them. If you are single, be proud. Enjoy the day. Live it up and realize that there's nothing wrong with being single. One day, if you so wish, you may not be anymore. But for now - be single and live that life to the fullest of your potential. It's a fantastic day!!

Here's an article to help those in whatever stages of relationships celebrate V-Day.

And remember - it's V-Day NOT D-Day . . .

Monday, February 4, 2008

wonderful song

This song is by Rascal Flats . . . or so I'm told.

I love it. It's how I feel. I want to be taken there... taken deep inside to know EVERYTHING.

"There's a place in your heart nobody's been,
Take me there.

Things nobody knows, not even your friends
Take me there.

Tell me bout your momma,
Your daddy, your hometown,
Show me around.
I wanna see it all,
don't leave anything out.

I wanna know everything about you
And I wanna go down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live.
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I wanna know the boy behind that pretty stare.
Take me there.

Your first real kiss
Your first true love
You were scared.

Show me where
You learned to battle life
Spend your summer nights, without a care
Take me there.

I wanna roll down main street
The back roads, like you did, when you were a kid.
What made you who you are
Tell me where your story is.

I wanna know everything about you
And I wanna go down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live.
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I wanna know the boy behind that pretty stare.
Take me there."

Will I get there someday? Perhaps. . .

Bi-Weekly Blogger

Alice has recently threatened me that I must start blogging more, otherwise I will become part of her 'bi-weekly' list. That would be a shame. And although she threatened me last week, I am just now getting around to blogging something . . .

It does not have to be inspirational, deep or worthwhile reading . . . right? well - then I guess I can handle that. Althought I prefer to have something worth reading. Something that inspires others. Something that makes you think, makes you wonder, makes you grateful for what you have, makes something happen . . .

But since I for some reason enjoy blogging, writing thoughts/feelings of life down, I will try to attempt more of that.

While sitting in sacrament meeting I usually write stuff... whether it's stuff going on in life, things of the weekend or whatever, I always write a sort of mini-journal entry. Perhaps some of those can be placed in a publicly viewed area. Perhaps not . . .

This is just for you, Alice. . . . I will work on this!!