Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I'm in the 'Cool Kids' Club now....

I am the youngest and most single member of a book club. Doesn't usually bother me. But the first book they chose - don't get me wrong, it's probably an amazing book but I couldn't and wouldn't make myself finish it - was "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman.
I know what I need to feel loved. I know that buying me things or telling me how amazing, beautiful, or perfect I am are not things that will make me feel loved. They're not terrible things, but not what I need to know that you love me. Supposedly this book helps you figure out what your 'love language' is so that you can convey that to your spouse/significant other and be able to strengthen the relationship.
Honestly - I don't know if there are such things as 'love languages' specifically or not. But I do know that really throughout the whole nite (2 hours at the restaurant) the main message was communication. Regardless if you know what your 'love language' is, or what your significant other's 'love language' is, you need to communicate that with each other. If you don't communicate, then knowing the 'love language' is not going to help the relationship.
So, not only was the entire nite mostly about husbands and some about kids (it's okay, Alice - I knew it would happen) it made me realize that things are so much more complicated than they need to be. Communicate - that's the key - and once you are good at that things can only get better.
Book clubs are so different, depending on who you're in the 'club' with. And maybe I should attempt a single's one. Or at least I should've gotten the Single's Edition of this such book - because I didn't read the whole thing. Nor will I be able to force myself to do so for awhile. Again - through the conversation it sounded like a great, informative, and uplifting book. But not one I could get through.


Alice Wills Gold said...

ooo...i am so glad that I actually opened my blog reader today so that I could get this while it's hot.

I have only been reading blogs about monthly nowadays.

First of all, I congratulate you for knowing what you need to feel loved. It may be o.k. that you didn't read it, if you have already gotten that far. Most people don't even know what really makes them feel loved. I am still trying to pin point it for myself.

Second, I totally agree it's about communication. You should have said that last night. None of those people even read your blog. Sorry we were rushed on your turn.

Third, I want to hear how your opinion has changed in 12 years and you have landed in the marriage counselor's office because you don't remember what makes you feel loved anymore and your husband has no flippin clue what he wants other than sex...and that doesn't do the trick for his needs outside the bedroom.

You may be a little more motivated to read then. And you may be like the rest of us trying to sneakily manipulate your husband to read it too. :)

Lastly, we are NOT the "cool kids" club. We are the "old lady" club to you. Admit it. I was so glad that your role was to provide the young and fresh role. We need you. It's too bad....well, I am not going to go there. You know what I am thinking.

I love you Stephanie. Sometimes I wish we could have been young and single at the same time so we could hang quit all the time, but we probably would have hated each other that way because we are so much alike.

Keep the book. Trust me when I say you're gonna need it. Maybe sooner than later. :)

ReL said...

Interesting that people don't know what they need to feel loved. That's such an odd concept for me. I may not know what someone else NEEDS, but how can you not know what you need? Granted apparently having children changes all that..and now you know one of my many reasons for not wanting any. I am so selfish...and I am so okay with that :-P

Anyway, you are correct. Communication is key in ANY relationship! Not only boy/girl but friendships and family too. If you can't tell someone how something makes you feel then all is for naught. (I just felt all grown up and important saying that LOL!) Seriously though, I hope you'll remember this when you need it most. Remember to communicate your feelings and emotions no matter how you think that conversation may go. Because you'll never know until you open your mouth. :-) LOVE YA!