Saturday, March 10, 2012

You decide. No, YOU decide. No, really, YOU!!

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I SUCK at decision making. I'm probably a text-book example of anxiety and panic attacks when it comes to certain things. I'm not sure what the trigger is, but there are some things that I just cannot - absolutely cannot - decide on. It's usually the simpler things. And I figure that's mostly because they are irrelevant to life. What to have for dinner? Doesn't matter, isn't going to affect me after it's eaten (usually). What movie to watch? I enjoy all movies. I will sometimes flat out refuse to make those silly decisions. And that has been a problem between me and friends/lovers/relatives in many situations. "Just make a decision!" But it really, truly does not make a difference to me and being forced to be the one to make the decision will actually start to stress me out. Weird, I know.

When it comes to bigger decisions in life - well, I suck at that too. But that's because there are so many options. There's so many things to choose and decide on. A lot of times I don't even know where to begin. Other times it's because I don't know which one would be best for later. These things are so hard. I hate decision making. I also hate that decisions I make, and feel good about them, turn out to bite me in the ass. And usually the bite hurts pretty bad too!

I suppose everyone has a hard time with decisions. But give me a break, please?! Just decide on what movie and where you want to eat. You decide what to do for the nite, who should drive, and what time we should meet. It really will be okay, and I really don't have a preference. If I did, you would know. I'm not afraid to speak up if I know what I want...... Oh - maybe that's the problem.

Maybe the real problem is that I just don't know what I want. The majority of the time. Ha! A movie once said (paraphrasing)-
Male: "What is it that you girls want?"
Female: "Promise to not tell anyone I told you? It's a big secret."
M: "I promise. What is it?"
F: "We have no idea what we want."
And that's the real problem. At least with the bigger decisions in life for me. I don't know what I want for dinner, but it doesn't matter. I don't know what I ultimately want in life either, and thus it makes decisions pretty damn difficult.
I suppose I have ideas of what I want - but how to go about it, how to make it reality, and wondering if it's even possible to do that..... I just don't know.

So - why don't YOU decide for me???

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