I don't really see my family or the homes that we've lived in as anything traditional. But I do feel like home when I am there.
I no longer live at home. I was lucky enough to have my own apartment for awhile. It was quite different - especially because at home there was ALWAYS someone around. You never had the place to yourself. So adjusting to having an apartment to myself was very unusual but I came to enjoy it very much. I had my routine (or non-routine) and I had my space. I could walk around naked if I wanted (although I never did). And it was starting to feel like home. Like my place. Where I could be myself and do whatever I wanted and not have to worry about anyone/anything disturbing me, bothering my things, getting in my stuff, etc.
But now I have the 'fortunate' opportunity of having a room-mate. It has been quite an interesting situation. I have a one bedroom apartment, because it was just to be me. And I can't get out of the lease so she moved into not only my apartment, but my bedroom as well. Now that is a huge adjustment. I have not had a ROOM mate since I shared a room with Kristie, which has obviously been quite a few years!!
One thing about my room-mate is that she is lazy. She has a true receptionist job. She answers phone calls, returns calls, sets up appointments. It doesn't really sound like too much responsibility. Especially because most of the time she is chit-chatting online with people and looking up dessert recipes. Then she comes home and enjoys 'relaxing' even though she didn't have a physically demanding day. She'll watch a movie or two every nite. And she eats quite a bit. And it pretty much makes me sick. But instead of going off on that tangent (since I could do so for quite a while . . . ). . . .
I just have notice that I don't feel at home. Although I am in my apartment and this is supposed to be my home, it's not. I have to share it and it just doesn't feel like home. I miss home sometimes. But mainly on nite when I want to be alone. I want to have people around, but not necessarily all up in my business and bothering me. And I don't want to feel obligated to ask how someone's day went and listen to them talk for hours about nothing I care to ever hear about. She retells every conversation she has with co-workers. Like I even care . . . . sorry, another tangent.
Anyway - I was in the bathroom earlier this evening, brushing my teeth and realized that I just don't feel like I'm home. I don't feel like this is my place. And although it is temporary, it feels extremely temporary. It has felt this way ever since she moved in. Just because I am not going to be in this situation for long and I honestly can't wait to get out of it. Where-as when I first moved in I was enjoying it and had no problems and almost would've loved to stay in this place. But now . . . it's temporary and it feels extremely like that. I guess it's not a bad thing, but it is definitely odd and makes for long days.
I hope that I can at least come to terms with my issues and annoyances with certain peoples. I just need to learn to be patient I suppose . . . but somedays I feel like I'm going to bust because I almost feel fake and where I live does not feel like my place. Does not feel like my space, my domain, my anything . . .
Hopefully one day I will have another place I can have feel like home other than with my family. . . maybe with a family I will make of my own one day . . . maybe . . .