Thursday, March 13, 2008


Last nite I went to bed early. I actually fell asleep watching an episode of one of my FAVORITE shows - 'Bones' - which is suprising. But I actually very much like falling asleep to a movie. If my couch were more comfortable, I would do it more often.
So - I was sleeping when my friend called. Which is GREAT because not only do I enjoy talking to him, but he kept me from waking up unhappily a few hours later when I would've been cold and uncomfortable.

Lately I have not been getting much sleep. Really, hardly any sleep at all. I know it's because I'm spending time with a friend. But that's really quite alright. I enjoy the time with him so I'm willing to lose sleep over it. And every now and then I actually catch up on some good sleep (ie: last nite). But I've come to realize a few things about 'good sleep.' On nites that I only sleep for a few hours - I may dream but I don't remember the dreams, and they aren't as vivid or real as on the nites when I get more hours of sleep. I wake up tired from lack of sleep. But on nites that I have such real dreams, I wake up tired from the emotional exhausted state that my dreams have put me in. They are not usually emotional as in sad or anything, but I have lots of emotion in my dreams.

My dreams range from normal - with lots of emotion - to outright strange and ridiculous - with lots of emotion. Last nite there were people I haven't seen or talked to in YEARS, people I didn't even know, there were strange places, events, and everything was just crazy. There are nites when everyone in my dreams is a stranger. I know them, but I actually have truly never seen the person before. Or if I have, I never spoke with them, thus I do not (or should not) remember what they look like.
Some nites I am running for my life, some nites I am desperately in love, some nites I am scared, some nites I am so excited, some nites I'm so sad, some nites I'm so happy, some nites I'm so alone, some nites I'm so complete, some nites I am just normal, but even the normalcy is extreme. My dreams are just so emotional.

I believe the emotion in my dreams is the emotion I am afraid to show and/or feel in life. I try not to have emotion. I know that sounds strange, and I really am not sure why I'm like that. I just don't want to get hurt, I suppose. I don't open myself up to people. I don't share how I feel. I don't share things about me. Sometimes I openly and randomly say things, but although it seems offhand to everyone else, it might actually mean a LOT to me and they just don't know it. Sometimes it's just an offhand random comment, but sometimes it's not. Good luck deciphering which it is... Or just always take it as random and then there's nothing to worry about.

Basically - last nite I had a LOT of stuff going on in my dreams. Work related, friend related, completely random, and totally strange. I just wake up shaking my head really... It's so odd. Why can't I just have dreamless sleep every now and then??

Lots of people like to have dreams and sometimes my dreams are great. There are a few that I still remember, actually. Those are the good ones, I guess. I've dreamt that I've died, I've dreamt about the love of my life (or that's how it felt in the dream), I've dreamt that I was a guy, I've dreamt so many different scenarios and situations.

Please just give me something so that I have a few wonderful nites of dreamless, wonderful, relaxing sleep!

1 comment:

Alice Wills Gold said...

And now I am going to call you Freud...could you analyze yourself any more???

Congrats for just taking all the fun out of my dreams!!!

And, quit hanging out with that "friend" so need your sleep! And, the Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight!