Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mornings are NOT my thing

(Ranting because I'm pathetic.)

I start out the day way too damn upset sometimes.
I need to learn to focus on work and just work until about 2 pm.
I have felt like shit every morning this week. I don't know why. I've been getting to bed at a decent hour and I know it's not a lethargic feeling when I wake up. It's a true, tired, feeling - but also a like shit feeling. Pardon the language in this post, but it's really just my way of explaining what's going on.
This whole adjusting to living by myself in Virginia is not going so well... I love the company I work for, but this whole living arrangement is killing me right now.
Maybe it's just this week - it is the first week. Maybe it's because I have screwed things up and nothing is what I want it to be.

I've come to a realization this week that people are inherently selfish. And really there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone should care about what they want and what makes them happy. My problem is that I don't. I don't care more about what I want or more about what makes me happy. I care about others and I try to make them happy all the time. And it's funny because the past week and a half - maybe two weeks - I've known what I want and I've been trying to get what I want. But it's not happening. Nor will it ever happen. So I think I'm going to just go back to the making everyone else happy and doing what everyone else wants.
What the hell do I want? Who cares? I don't get what I want. So let's not discuss that.


CDM said...

You will make yourself happy!! Don't focus on others!

Love ya!

Aunt Chelle said...

You just need to roll out of bed and hit the floor running! We can do this together!!!