Thursday, February 25, 2010

Used to - Can I go back?

I used to be a player.
I know that sounds odd. But there were plenty of times in my life when I was with one guy or more and we had our good times without any emotion being involved. I didn't have any problem with it. I enjoyed it. And - this is terrible - I usually didn't feel bad if the guy ended up liking me and I didn't feel the same.
Somehow, somewhere, I started to get emotions involved with things. What the hell?!?! I would much prefer spending time with these male friends, whether kissing is involved or not, and just enjoy it. Not worry about whether he cares about me, if I care about him, is it going to go somewhere, is it not, does it matter?
Yet - it does. Maybe not right away, but eventually things start to change. Sometimes for the better - but in my case it's usually for the worse. How do I change that? How do I go back to being care-free and not think about it?
Is it the age? Is it the fact that I don't want to be single forever? What changed? And how do I get back the carefree, thoughtless days of before??

1 comment:

ReL said...

Hate to break it to you but that's an age thing... as you get older your emotions change and your hormones change and you start wanting to settle down with one person for the rest of your life. People will tell you, psh whatever I'm perfectly happy playing the field for the rest of my life, but psychologically we are all programmed to want to settle down. Don't fight it just accept it.