Different

Sometimes I really want things to be different than they are. Wish I could go back and do things differently. Wish I could change different circumstances and situations in my life to make things to be what I would consider better.

Am I alone in this?

I know I am not. I think just about everyone wishes certain things in their life to be different and changed from what they currently are. It happens. We are human. There are some people that are happy with their lives - and for them I am happy. But a lot of people are not content with the 'cards they've been dealt' and the things that have happened. There are things they want to change, things they want to have turned out differently, things they wish they could go back and change so that the current circumstances are different.

I've made some mistakes in life. I've pushed people away I shouldn't have. I've kept people close I should've pushed far, far away. I have held on to some things, and let go too soon of others. My life could have been very different from what it currently is - for good or bad. I can pinpoint at least a handful - if not more - of certain decisions I've made in life that if they had been made differently, my life would be quite drastically different.

I'm not saying I hate my life, nor am I saying that I love my life. But I am content with a lot of things. And other things that I am very unpleased about. But tomorrow's always another day, another start, another decision. And I think I will try to look at my decisions a little differently from now on as they can make a huge turn for my life - good or bad. And I think I will start risking more things and making decisions that I'm afraid to make because I'm not sure what the results will be.

Does anyone know where their decision will take them? No - but they make it and hope for the best. So here's to taking a chance, making some changes, and hoping for the best. *cheers*

Klutz

Klutz - Clumsy person.

That should be my middle name.



I've decided to treat myself in the mornings - maybe not every morning - and get a Starbucks hot chocolate. I enjoy their drinks very much, maybe it's just the idea, or maybe it's truly the flavor. They have lots of different flavors now - not just regular hot chocolate. Although that is one of my favorites. Try the salted caramel for instance, or perhaps the peppermint.
So - this morning I decided to wear my comfy, warm, white sweater that 'Santa' gave me for Christmas. I don't wear it very often and I felt like being comfortable. So - off I go to work, stopping by the blessed cafe first.
The lid seemed to not stay on completely, so I was very careful and made sure to hold the lid while I drank. I should've just taken the lid off cuz the next thing I notice is a whole big spot of hot chocolate on my nice, white sweater.... Of course. Just my luck. I run back to the apartment, after I'd already gotten to work, to wash it out and hope it doesn't stain. I don't have any stain remover either!
Luckily, it looks like it came out, but I've learned a few lessons from this wonderful incident - as well as other klutzy accidents I've had.
I'm the biggest Klutz anyone will ever meet.

• Don't ever wear white when drinking a dark drink (especially if you like the white you're wearing).
• Don't wear flip-flops when climbing rocks - whether wet or dry rocks (got stitches and a cracked elbow).
• Don't put bleach in the washer if you have anything of color (ruined some washclothes and a shirt).
• Don't wear sunglasses while in the ocean, unless you don't mind giving them to Flipper or Jaws (good thing I have a few more pair).
• Don't run barefoot for miles on hot sand (someone else's mistake).
• Don't climb barefoot through water, rocks, and brush (sliced my toe open on something).

And those are just a few among many of my klutzy acts. Some say stupid - but I say klutzy.

Desires for 2009

There are lots of things I want to do this year. Let's hope that I can at least accomplish some of them.
And no - they are not New Year's resolutions, just things I want to do throughout the year.

• Concerts - Nickelback, Celine Dion, Rascal Flatts, Hinder, Taylor Swift, a boy band (not sure which is actually touring), and any other fantastic suggestions you have.
• Snowboarding - although this might have to wait until the end of the year, sadly...
• Beach - many times, like every other weekend perhaps?
• Spring break trip - I've never had one of these before and everyone should take some crazy 'spring break' trip at least once in their lives, even if I'm not actually in school.
• Leave the country - not sure where I want to go, but I want to use my passport at least ONCE this year.
• Another major road trip - whether we go to Utah, or New York, I just want to go on another big road trip. At least one more, if not a few.
• High School reunion - I think we're having one, but if not, then I'll at least go visit my high school friends at some point and see all their cute babies they all seem to be having.
• Start classes - I need to start using more brain cells, so whether it's just for fun or for school, I need to start taking some brain stimulating classes.

Eh - that's a good list to get started. There are lots of things I want to do this year, most are personally enriching things (exercise regimen started, etc) that don't need to be listed. So - let's hope for a fun year full of fun, entertainment, excitement, new things and adventures. The year hasn't started out the best, but it's definitely going to get better and be much more entertaining!!

5 years or Life??

Say a 15 year old boy stole a CD from a store. What should his punishment be? Juvenile detention and community service - or something, right?

What if a 15 year old boy beat a baby to death? What should his punishment be?
Doesn't look like much.

My thought is that stealing something is probably to prove he can do it or because he's trying to be cool.
Beating a baby is something that is extremely wrong and he's knowingly doing it. Definitely a severe punishment is needed. If he's trying to be an adult and 'take care of' a baby - then he should be punished as an adult when he kills the baby.
Serious punishment - not this 5 year crap.

Mornings are NOT my thing

(Ranting because I'm pathetic.)

I start out the day way too damn upset sometimes.
I need to learn to focus on work and just work until about 2 pm.
I have felt like shit every morning this week. I don't know why. I've been getting to bed at a decent hour and I know it's not a lethargic feeling when I wake up. It's a true, tired, feeling - but also a like shit feeling. Pardon the language in this post, but it's really just my way of explaining what's going on.
This whole adjusting to living by myself in Virginia is not going so well... I love the company I work for, but this whole living arrangement is killing me right now.
Maybe it's just this week - it is the first week. Maybe it's because I have screwed things up and nothing is what I want it to be.

I've come to a realization this week that people are inherently selfish. And really there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone should care about what they want and what makes them happy. My problem is that I don't. I don't care more about what I want or more about what makes me happy. I care about others and I try to make them happy all the time. And it's funny because the past week and a half - maybe two weeks - I've known what I want and I've been trying to get what I want. But it's not happening. Nor will it ever happen. So I think I'm going to just go back to the making everyone else happy and doing what everyone else wants.
What the hell do I want? Who cares? I don't get what I want. So let's not discuss that.

Alone time gives to more Thought time

I went from living in 'Grand Central Station' to being by myself for what feels like all day. Okay - there is some interaction at work, but mainly I feel like I work by myself....
I guess it's not a bad thing, but it definitely gives me more time to think. The work situation is the same as it was in Raleigh, although I knew I would be going home to lots of people so I would usually think about the evening plans and such. But being here in Virginia - I have no evening plans except with myself. And it's great to have 'me' time, but it's unusual. It definitely makes me think of more things to blog or talk about. Although most of the things on my mind lately are not public blog worthy. Bit too personal for this sort of blog.

And I guess all this alone time will let me catch up on scrapbooks, journals, writing to my missionaries, etc. But who wants to do that?? I'd rather be out playing... or maybe not.

There's not anyone to play with except my room-mate. And we are going to play on the weekends - everywhere but in Raleigh (at least for the majority of the time).

No Snow for Stephanie

That's right. No snow for me.
There was a dusting yesterday when I woke up and it flurried for a bit in the morning. But by lunch, it was not only done snowing, but the little we had melted away.
Why is it that when I want snow somewhere, it doesn't come until I leave?? It even happened in Idaho. We were in a drought while we were there (the later years) and then as soon as we move to Tennessee, they get DUMPED on. Sheesh... Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be stuck in a dry land all the time.
I love rain, and I want it to rain more. But when I'm gone is when it rains. Same with snow...

I guess I'm meant to live in a desert for the rest of my life... Arizona/Texas/New Mexico - here I come!!

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

I wished and hoped for a white Christmas for MONTHS!! So when does the snow come? AFTER CHRISTMAS!

Although I'm not complaining. I enjoy snow for a little bit during the year, as long as it's during the winter months.

And although I'm in Virginia now and have no one to play with in the snow, I still like it. I woke up this morning, looked out the glass doors and saw a light dusting on the porch. Kinda nice! And it usually means it's not bitter cold, just not warm out either.

Snow is quiet and enjoyable. I love walking outside after it's freshly fallen and the way everything outside just seems so quiet and still. By later in the morning the kids are out playing in it, but that first step outside in the early AM is so peaceful and pretty. And then walking through nice powdery snow.... I don't like icy snow, just fluffy snow.

Although I don't like driving in it, not because of me, but because of other drivers. They can be pretty annoying. I was driving down my street and a car was on the other side of the road - I didn't even know she was DRIVING, she was going that slow... Glad I wasn't going her direction.

So - hopefully it snows a bit more. I don't have my camera, so I can't take pictures. But I can at least watch and see the pretty stuff falling while sipping my hot chocolate in my apartment all peaceful and quiet.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on Saturday nite?"

How often do girls ask guys on dates? Rarely ever.
I have a few friends that absolutely refuse, and I have a few friends that will - if you twist their arm. But for the most part, girls won't (and shouldn't have to) ask guys out on dates.

I - on the other hand - don't mind asking a guy on a date. I like going on dates and I have a ton of ideas that I'd like to do. So I might as well do the asking, right??

Eh - maybe not.

The date ideas I have would have to be with the right person or group of people. And right now I just don't think I have the right people to go with. Maybe for a couple of the ideas, but not all of them. Most of them you have to be willing to make a fool of yourself, go out of your comfort zone, be cheesy, and be willing to be silly. And honestly - there's no one that is available and I'm interested in asking that would want to do all of those things. There's nothing wrong with that, except that it leaves me dateless.

And even when I ask days in advance, I'm kind of turned down. I guess dating isn't something guys want to do. They'd rather be in a group of girls than just with one or a couple on a date. Oh well - I'll find a way to make the date something I can do with my girls, or in groups of friends (since that's all anyone ever wants to do anyway).

No More Movies for Me

I've decided that watching movies makes me restless.

Not the act of sitting down and watching, but the things being done in the movie. I know that it's just a movie, and it's actually not the fairy tale that I am wishing for. It's the other - unusual - things. Of course I would like the fairy tale as well, who wouldn't? But it's not the fairy tale I am asking for.

It's the adventure. It's the city life. It's the completely different and non-mundane life that I seem to be living. It's the happiness. It's the strange ways things seem to turn out. It's the excitement. It's the variety. It's the fact that I feel as though I am not doing anything with my life.

Guess I'd better get on that, huh??

The weather outside is

pretty undecisive.
It thinks it should rain, but be sunny - all at the same time. It looks as though it's not very cold out, but then it turns out to be quite chilly.
The weather has been strange lately. Super windy, lots of rain, cold then hot, hot then cold.
No wonder everyone seems to be getting sick!!

Although I love the rain - I'm not sure I like the spittle of rain we've been getting. Sometimes it's not real rain, but more of just a drizzle which isn't much fun.

I feel as though the indecision of the weather kind of fits with my indecision of life lately. I know that sounds stupid, but that's how I've been feeling. And that's what the weather is doing. So it all kind of fits together.
Strange.

Here comes another one

Another year.
Another semester.
Another change.
Another season.

I want to start school. Hearing about people comparing classes, schedules, teachers, and homework makes me want to be in school. I know that's probably the weirdest sounding thing ever, but that's definitely how I feel. I enjoyed being in school and I wish I was back again.

This year may have started out a bit strange, difficult and not the most happy. But I definitely think there will be changes and good things that will take place. There will be bad, unhappy and unwanted things first - but I'm really hoping that the changes and events will make everything turn out better than before.

So - here's to another year and another change. Here's to making something different happen. Here's to making exciting things happen. Here's to having more life to live.