But what is that?

There's that great saying, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and I've never really understood it.
Some say that a mid-term exam is small stuff - but that exam will determine if I pass the class. Passing the class is required to get the degree. The degree is required to get the career. And the career is essential. So, I think that mid-term just might be important.

But then you wonder where the line is of big stuff and small stuff and when you should start sweating.

How exactly do you seize every minute of life? How exactly do you really look at life and see it? How do you really begin to live life? A friend and I have attempted to discuss this recently. We aren't really sure why or how to change it - but we feel antsy, unsettled, eager for 'life' to begin. But how do we make that happen? What should we do? My life feels so sedentary, so predictable, so - for lack of a better word - boring. I need to spice things up. I need to change things. I need to do SOMETHING with my life.... But I haven't figured out what to do. Whatever it is, I want to do it NOW. But haven't figured out what to do....

But back to the small stuff.... where is that line? What big stuff can I 'sweat' about? What little stuff shouldn't I sweat about?

When do you 'sweat'?

You decide. No, YOU decide. No, really, YOU!!

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I SUCK at decision making. I'm probably a text-book example of anxiety and panic attacks when it comes to certain things. I'm not sure what the trigger is, but there are some things that I just cannot - absolutely cannot - decide on. It's usually the simpler things. And I figure that's mostly because they are irrelevant to life. What to have for dinner? Doesn't matter, isn't going to affect me after it's eaten (usually). What movie to watch? I enjoy all movies. I will sometimes flat out refuse to make those silly decisions. And that has been a problem between me and friends/lovers/relatives in many situations. "Just make a decision!" But it really, truly does not make a difference to me and being forced to be the one to make the decision will actually start to stress me out. Weird, I know.

When it comes to bigger decisions in life - well, I suck at that too. But that's because there are so many options. There's so many things to choose and decide on. A lot of times I don't even know where to begin. Other times it's because I don't know which one would be best for later. These things are so hard. I hate decision making. I also hate that decisions I make, and feel good about them, turn out to bite me in the ass. And usually the bite hurts pretty bad too!

I suppose everyone has a hard time with decisions. But give me a break, please?! Just decide on what movie and where you want to eat. You decide what to do for the nite, who should drive, and what time we should meet. It really will be okay, and I really don't have a preference. If I did, you would know. I'm not afraid to speak up if I know what I want...... Oh - maybe that's the problem.

Maybe the real problem is that I just don't know what I want. The majority of the time. Ha! A movie once said (paraphrasing)-
Male: "What is it that you girls want?"
Female: "Promise to not tell anyone I told you? It's a big secret."
M: "I promise. What is it?"
F: "We have no idea what we want."
And that's the real problem. At least with the bigger decisions in life for me. I don't know what I want for dinner, but it doesn't matter. I don't know what I ultimately want in life either, and thus it makes decisions pretty damn difficult.
I suppose I have ideas of what I want - but how to go about it, how to make it reality, and wondering if it's even possible to do that..... I just don't know.

So - why don't YOU decide for me???

Forgetful

When I decide that I should start blogging again, I start to come up with great blog ideas. (I have them even when I'm not blogging too....)
Random thoughts or suggestions and things that should or shouldn't be made public. And today I had a whole post thought up. Short post, but still a post. But it was raining, so I couldn't put it in my phone. And by the time I got somewhere I had actually forgotten that I even had one. As I'm sitting here in front of the computer, I remember. But I don't remember what it was about... At least not in the same words that I had figured out in my head.
Gosh.... I should carry around a recording device. Except none of the crazy thoughts that run through my head are really worthy of such.

wow.... it's been a year

A year. A long, strange year.
Not sure where to start, or if I should even go back and tell the stories.
Perhaps I'll relate a few. Kids growing up are hilarious and say funny things.
As for now.... I think I will try to post more often and perhaps even have pictures.

(My friend mentioned that I hadn't posted. So perhaps I can make a change and post more.)

The Church sign says:

God doesn't care about your good works.

Well..... then what the heck does he care about??
And if he doesn't care about good works, then why are we supposed to be serving everyone?

What's for Dinner??

Grandma was giving the nephews dinner this evening. They said, "This doesn't taste like chicken," while putting chicken nuggets in their mouths.
Grandpa - without any hesitation - says, "It's gopher. She just didn't want you to say 'EWWW!!' and not eat your dinner."
The boys' response: "Not too bad!!"

Later that evening.....

Mom: "Boys, what did you have for dinner?"
Boys: "Gopher. It was pretty good. It tasted sort of like chicken."

*Laughter is still going on . . . .*

Over Population

I'm taking a Property Law class this semester and during one of the classes we were talking about people wanting property anywhere and everywhere.

The crazy thing people forget about when buying property is what can happen to the property. You don't want to buy a house near a river that is known to or does frequently flood. You don't want to build a house with a basement in a wetlands area. You don't want to on the edge of a cliff when there's recorded earthquakes in the area.

But it seems that some people are just so eager to own property and have a house that they don't think about future problems. They need to remember to think further down the road. Whether they plan on moving or not, they might want to evaluate the property enough to know if it's worth owning, living on, or doing anything with.

With my job, I talk to a lot of people and we discuss cutting down and clearing out trees. Most people agree that it's a bad idea. If you are going to build neighborhoods or such, leave the trees. Don't clear it all out just to make it easier. Keep everything as normal and natural as possible.

At one point during my drive home through the curvy mountain roads, I follow a bend and it opens up to see the side of a mountain .... that happens to be completely covered with cabins. Ugh! I will say that they have some trees and bushes, so it's not completely bare. But I think having it completely covered with cabins is not pretty either.

Sometimes I think this world, or certain areas, are becoming over populated. People living on top of people and it never seems to end.

That time of year again

I went to the Tennessee Valley Fair last nite with my mother, sister, and my sister's 3 boys.

My suggestion: Don't go to the fair when your stomach is upset. Then nothing will really sound very tasty and you won't feel any better as the nite progresses.

Yes, I had the misfortune of having an upset stomach before we even got there. I figured it would go away, but it didn't really. And when we got home I was up all nite not feeling very well. My digestive system hates me, even when I don't eat greasy fair foods.

And surprisingly, I didn't really eat that much food. I had some delicious Bacon, Cheddar, Ranch fries; a Chicken-on-a-Stick, and a Deep-fried Snickers bar. That was pretty much it. And altho I go to the fair for the food, I did not really get a whole lot. I've decided that there's not a whole lot of selection in foods - there's a lot of places, but not a lot of variety. I don't particularly like rides at the fair so I may reconsider going next year. (I probably will go again anyway - it's fun to people watch.)

I also saw at least 2 couples getting photos taken. I'm not sure if they were both for engagement photos, but I know the one couple was lucky and got my congratulations. I thought it was an adorable idea to take pictures at the fair, even if they weren't getting married. I totally want to do that!! I need someone willing to participate in such thing though.... Any takers??

We got to milk a cow, attempt to rope a plastic steer, and had an all around interesting evening. My nephews were also lucky enough to take home a bunny. Rides, games, food, and a bunny. Man - they had it made!!

(I would post pictures, but none were taken with my camera. Perhaps I can add some later.)

"It's always Wonderful"

I have my days that I am unhappy and negative. I have my days where I just want to be plain grumpy.

But there's a guy I work with (who happens to be rather cute) who is always happy. I will ask him how he is, and he 'is wonderful, as always'. I have asked him, more than once, if he's always wonderful and he of course says yes. He gets rid of the negative and is always happy.

I envy that. I am not always unhappy or negative, but those times I am, it is hard to just get rid of it all. So I think it's great that he can have that and I think I'm going to strive to always be happy. I want to always be able to answer with "I'm Wonderful!!"

So, next time you ask me I hope I will be able to answer in the most positive way.

Driving along

This morning, on my way to work, I was already running a bit late. And then it happens to be raining. We all know how people drive in the rain - really slow. Normally I would just drive right on past them, but there were quite a few people and I don't change lanes as often (some call it 'weaving through traffic') when it's wet and rainy as I would when it's dry. Thus, I was stuck driving slow and was late for work. Good thing there was no rush this morning.

Another driving update: I was in a hurry leaving work a couple days ago (was eager to get home to see a good friend that was coming to town) and I didn't notice how fast I was going .... or the cop car that was sitting there clocking me. Thus I got pulled over. But somehow I am eligible to call, pay court costs, and not have it put on my record. I guess the tickets I got as an NC resident haven't transferred to my TN record - YAY! - and I won't have to worry about this one. At least, that's what the officer said, that I would be able to have it go away if I pay court costs. Now, hopefully he was right. Then no one can give me crap for a ticket, because as far as anyone with clout cares, I didn't get one recently. hahahaha....

I'm hoping that I will have driving stories soon (not that I like driving, but that I would like to go a few places). With work 4 days a week and school 2, I don't get much time off to go places. But we shall see what this fall/winter time brings. Hopefully some good memories.

I am no longer....I will soon be . . .

I am no longer living at the beach . . .

I am no longer unemployed . . .

I am no longer responsibility-less . . .

I am no longer sleeping well . . .

I am no longer near as tan as I was before . . .

I am no longer near as social as I once was . . .

I am no longer leaving my house for things other than school or work (not by choice, but because there's nothing to do) . . .

I am no longer around people (besides family) that I care a lot about . . .

I am no longer feeling as happy as I once was . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will soon be able to pay the credit cards off completely . . .

I will soon be finished with my Associate's Degree (May, but closer than before) . . .

I will soon be making what I want known a bit more . . .

I will soon be a bit more assertive in making things happen . . .

I will soon be planning a vacation out of the country . . .

I will soon be visiting those that I miss and care a lot about (although not sure when that will be) . . .

I will soon be finding a way to be happier and healthier . . .

I will soon be tan again (even if it isn't real) . . .

I will soon be falling in love with the Autumn season all over again . . .

How many days?

As of today, there are 135 days left in the year.
That doesn't seem like a lot, but I've had about 90 here at the beach and haven't done a whole lot with them.
So - what will I do with the remaining 135 days in the year?
Spend a few more days on the beach.
Travel back to Tennessee.
Get resituated in life there.
Start a new job zipping through the mountains.
Start another semester at a school I don't particularly like.
Hopefully have many, many wonderful heartfelt and meaningful conversations with ones I care about.
Spend some great, although fewer than wanted, days with amazing people.
Turn 25 and probably do nothing spectacular.
Try to fit in as many things as possible into my life.

What are YOU going to do with the remaining 135 days of this wonderful year of 2010?

Where are you from?

Shouldn't everyone actually answer with, "Heaven."
I honestly am not 'from' anywhere. I've lived in a few different states at different points in my life. But I wouldn't claim any of them as 'home' or where I'm from.
When people ask where I'm from, I want to ask in return, "At which point of my life are you asking about? Or are you asking 'where do I store the majority of my belongings'? I'm not sure what you are really trying to find out."
I am not like any of the places in which I have lived. I'm a mixture of them all. When people say they know I'm not from 'round here cuz you have an accent' then it makes me want to laugh. I don't have an accent, I just don't talk like the locals. I'm a nice, mixed breed of places, people, and accents.
And of course, once you tell them someplace, they start asking the typical follow-up questions. "What brings you here? How come you're here? Which place do you like better? Blah Blah Blah" And I really have no good answers for those. I'm here because this is where I chose to be at this time. I haven't really lived there that long so I'm not sure I can say I like one over the other. Eh...
I think I'll just start answering with "Heaven."
What better place is there to be from, anyway??

Passion

I saw a sign for a church recently that said "Is what you're living for worth dying for?" (It later was changed to say "Is what you're living for worth Christ dying for?" but I liked the first version.) And weirdly enough, the sign got me to thinking.
What am I living for?
It seems that everytime I listen to a few certain songs on a soundtrack, I tend to get pumped for life. They are so passionate about their life and their choices. But it gets me wondering what I'm doing with my life. What am I passionate about? What am I doing to make things happen? What am I living my life for?
I really don't know how to answer any of those questions. At all.
Sad, I suppose, that I have no passions about anything. Or at least not anything I can think of.
There's something about those songs and the passion in which they are sung that makes me want to feel that strongly about something. I just don't.
I want to have a burning passion for something. I want to find something to live for.

Driving is not a distraction

I drive.
I drive a lot.
I'm sick of driving alone.
When I drive, I think. I think about a lot of things. I think about nothing. I think about everything.
But I want to go on another drive. To New York City.
It's only just over 10 hours from where I currently am living. But I do NOT want to do that drive alone. Being alone in the car at any point in the next month or so might be a bad idea. Too much on my mind.
So I need a good distraction. I need a traveling partner. Not an international, adventurous one. Just one for the domestic travels and driving to places that are closer that I want to explore. If that traveling partner ends up being one for international travel as well, then all the better. But I won't hold my breath.
Regardless, I need to have distractions while I drive. I don't want to do the lone driving anymore. (Although I'm sure I probably will....for many more years....)

Diets are necessary

There was this day when I was going to work. I stopped by the gas station to pick up my daily intake of caffeine that I would need to make it through the day.
As I pulled in, I saw a large man - a very large man - walking out.
He had in his hands the exact items, although in larger quantities, that I was going to go into the store and get myself.
I guess that means it's time to go on a diet and stop partaking the items that largely obese people are eating/drinking. I suppose it would then lead to me being largely obese and I really don't want that.

Gotta start thinking about the future

I am currently enjoying not thinking about anything further than the next weekend's plans. But I should probably start truly thinking about what I'm going to start doing with my life.
I finish with my current degree in May, and then where do I want to go?? Do I stay in Knoxville (God forbid) or do I move to a beach? Or should I skip the beach since I'm doing it this summer and I should live the next dream of life?
And if so, where is the next adventure? And before any of that, what am I doing through the last 2 semesters of school? I need a job and some plans or I might just go crazy.
And what about life in general?
I'd like to continue my education. But I don't think I want to go into law any further. So then what do I do? Maybe I should suck it up, get the bachelor's in law and then perhaps try something else. Or maybe not.
But I definitely need to start thinking about things and coming up with ideas.
I think I need to travel a little bit this next fall and spring so I can figure out where it is that I would like to live next. Perhaps it will only be for a couple years, but I need to at least figure out where the adventure will be once is school is over.
Any suggestions?

A life of nothing

It's been almost a month since my last post. This is not because I haven't thought of things to post about. Nor is it because I have had no funny stories to tell. It's mainly because I have limited access to the internet. And since I don't like to sit for hours on end at a coffee shop or other such place, I have not spent much time on blogging. I have spent more time on emails, posting pictures, etc.
I am at the beach. I am in the sunshine most of the time. I am experiencing new things. I am having good and bad days. I am slowly feeling better about life.
And then there are those days when I just want to freak out. I'm not doing anything. I'm not productive and I have no goals currently. This summer is literally a summer of nothingness. Wow.... that's definitely not something I am used to.
So, now what do I do??
I need to start finding a job starting this fall. I need to start figuring out life plans. I need to actually be productive and do something.
Yet it's so nice to not have to have every day stress of a to-do list. I have nothing to worry about. No deadlines, nothing.
I'm not sure how people can do this sort of thing on a long-term basis. I'm okay with it for the summer, cuz I've really got nothing else I could be doing that would be that fun. So I'll stick with it for now. And good gosh, it's nice to just relax and have a good time.

Yes, I'm female. Yes, you're male.

But why does that mean that we can't be friends?
I am so sick of girlfriends being stupid and telling guys that they can't be friends with me because I'm a girl. I know how to be friends without it interfering with your relationship.
He and I have always been platonic - never even any snuggling - and then you tell him he can't be friends with me. What is THAT about??
This isn't the first time.
And what is up with the guy not having the balls enough to tell her he will stay friends because I've been around longer than her? Apparently the guys I'm friends with who give into their girls a bit too much need to stand up for themselves.
Or maybe the friendship wasn't quite as awesome as I thought it was. Either way - Girls quit telling your guys to stop being friends with females. If you are that insecure and afraid something will happen, maybe he isn't the guy for you. I mean. . . Really!?!?!
Gah!

Don't make me vomit....

Sometimes people just really make me sick. In many ways, but at this moment I am going to rant about displays of relationships.
Maybe I'm jaded and annoyed because I am not, nor have I really, nor is it looking promising that I will ever have a relationship. But I don't think I would be anything like these situations.
We don't care what amazing thing you're doing with your boy/girl friend this weekend.
We don't care whether he/she had a great time with the family - they're already friends so of course they'll enjoy each other.
We don't want to see every other picture of the two of you kissing or looking as though you are now joined at the hip.
We don't care to see every time you comment on how much you love them. Hello - love them without displaying it all over his/her wall every day....sometimes more than once.
We're so glad you care about each other, truly we are. Being happily 'in love' is fantastic - but please don't do it so much that you're making us all sick..... sheesh!!
(I don't mind all that often when people show how they feel about their significant other. It's just been certain people that cannot seem to comment about anything BUT their significant other. There's more to life than just that person. And I don't particularly care about the details of every move....Thanks anyway.)